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“We skipped breakfast, and I’m getting hungry. Do you want anything to eat or drink?”
My appetite had long since disappeared into a mass of knots, so I shook my head.
“Okay, no problem. Can I hold you?”
The ribbon of pain in his request hurt to hear, and in not wanting the fantasy to end, I allowed him to wrap his arms around me and I breathed him in.
It was comforting to be held, even as heartache threatened to crack me in half, and try as I may, my intense feelings for Holden were not disappearing. My work was going to be cut out for me when the time came. I’d been foolish in letting the barriers around my heart take a couple of solid hits.
The mainland coastline became more distant as we crossed the strait, and the numerous islands we were going to skirt around dotted the horizon ahead of us. We walked to a vacant seat at the front of the ship and cozied together, one last time. The crisp air cooled the space around us, but maybe it was because I was putting on the chill.
His brows furrowed, and he stared without expression.
Was he thinking about what would happen when we’d arrive on the island? Was his heart constricting, and trying to hold itself together like mine was?
Travelling to Cheshire Bay was supposed to be a trip, not an expedition, and yet, here I was having reconnected with a classmate and finding feelings developing that had no right to blossom. I wasn’t fit to be with anyone, at least not long term. Mentally and emotionally, I was a wreck and a disaster of epic proportions. How could I foolishly believe the spark igniting between us was something special, and not just a product of being forced together on this journey?
And yet…
Holden had given me something I didn’t know I’d needed – true friendship. He saw me for more than who I had been, and despite my intellectual inferiority, he saw me as an equal. I had more fun with him over the past two days than I’d had in a long time and had found a deeper connection with him than any of my past relationships. He had the uncanny ability to ease my pain and forget my troubles. He saw the scars, but it only bothered him in an emotional sense, not of the physical scarring, but of the mental hurt.
Knowing that caused the pain in the depths of my heart to blister.
My left palm was tender with crescent moons from my clenched fists. At least it was pain I had control over. There was no control over the ache building in my chest as we inched toward the end.
Our final stop came into view, and I swallowed down the solid lump growing firmer and larger in the back of my throat. The finish line was near. Too near. I fought to hold back the forthcoming tears.
I recrossed my legs and leaned my back against his chest. “How far from the ferry to your grandparents?”
“If I didn’t drive you to the airport?”
I nodded, confused by his question.
“Two minutes?” He pointed to the right of the terminal as we coasted along. “My grandparent’s house is on the edge there. Grandma’s probably on the deck watching right now.”
I scanned the houses wondering what she looked like, and if she was indeed watching. “Can you see her?”
“Nah, but she’ll be able to see the ship. It’s hard to ignore.”
“She’ll be expecting you within minutes as soon as you dock?” Little flickers of envy flared in my gut. He was almost home.
“Grandpa’s picking me up from the airport, as I still need to drop off the rental. Did Amber tell you what time your flight is?”
I hadn’t thought to check, and quickly retrieved my phone. In my messages was the ticket I needed to get through security and out onto the tarmac.
“In about an hour. There was a vacant seat.”
“We’ll make it just in time.” He may have smiled, but it wasn’t the kind that pushed his cheeks high against his eyes. It was trimmed in pain, and hard to look at.
Like the coward I suddenly felt I’d become, I stared at the ferry dock which we were rapidly gaining ground upon. “We should get into the car, so we’re ready to clear out.”
He reached out his hand, but I pocketed it instead. “You okay?”
“Just trying to make this easier.” I started to walk away, pushing past a couple and then a young family.
“Make what easier?” He pulled me to a standstill.
“Us separating. Saying goodbye.”
