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He shrugged, but it wasn’t as robust as before – it was like he was shouldering the weight of the world. “Now I’m the prize, so to speak. I have the chance to right all the wrongs. Although I’ve yet to meet her, I’m told Dahlia is a perfect match and will strengthen our family line. She comes from an extensive heritage of opulence and grace, and her family is willing to overlook the blackmark within my own. Our future is all planned out.” There was no enthusiasm in his voice, not even a hint. He got more excited about a rock on the ground than he did over his future bride. “With this requirement, my grandparents have provided me a healthy living allowance, and I transfer a portion of it to my sister.” He paused and his gaze searched my face. “No one, aside from you, has ever known that.”
What a life, and what a guy. He was sacrificing his own wants and needs for his sister.
“As long as I follow the rules, which includes marrying my betrothed, that money will keep coming, and I can make sure Myriam is taken care of for as long as possible.”
I nodded, trying to absorb all that he was saying. “It sounds so unbelievable. I don’t know what to make of it all.”
My anger had long sailed away with his confession, replaced with sadness and pain and utter hopelessness. No matter what we wanted, what I wanted, it would never happen. We’d been doomed from the beginning.
“I know it sounds crazy, but I didn’t tell you because at first, it was pointless. We were just sitting side by side on what should’ve been a standard flight. Once we landed in Calgary, things changed. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how. It’s not something that comes up in conversation.”
Somewhere behind me, a jet roared to life.
I stomped my foot. “It should’ve. At least before you jumped into the sack with me.”
“I wanted to, believe me, but I got swept away in the moment.”
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes.
“You’re not so perfect either.”
“At least I know I have faults.” I pulled up my sleeves and flashed my arms. “Believe me, I know all about them. But here’s the difference between you and me – I never hid them. When you asked, I was upfront and didn’t try to hide anything. It wasn’t pleasant, but at least I said something. And I’m trying to be better and I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to not repeat the same mistakes, and it’s so hard. It’s a daily battle between my mind and my heart.” I pointed to my head and then to my chest, hoping to nail it home. “I’m learning what’s important, what’s valuable, what’s worth fighting for. And you? Have you ever decided to stand up to your family’s archaic rules? All your life you’ve been pushed around and bullied, and here you are still being told what to do. They’re holding their power and wealth over you, and you cower to their form of bullying. In all these years, you haven’t learned a god-damn thing, have you?”
“It’s not like that at all, and I wish you understood. I wish I had more time to truly explain the whole thing, but I don’t. You just don’t understand how families work.” He huffed and puffed out his chest.
“Ouch. Thanks a lot.”
“Jesus, that came out wrong.” He gripped his hand around my wrist, sympathy rolling off him in waves. “I wish I was as vocal as you, and I wish it wouldn’t destroy my family to tell them all about our weekend together. These past two days have been the best of my life, and I’m in shock how somehow, over the past thirty-sixish hours, I’ve fallen for you.”
The knife in my heart twisted to the left. It didn’t matter what it meant; it was how it was said that hurt. “Thanks for including the wordsomehowin your little declaration as if it’s a miracle how a guy like you and a girl like me could ever happen.”
He threw his hands out to the side of his body. “Jesus, you said it yourself. We’re two different people.”
I wrapped my hands tightly around my achy chest. “Because I’m trying to protect what’s left of my fucking heart, Holden. It doesn’t matter what I felt, or what yousomehowmanaged to feel. It can never happen; you’re betrothed to another.” Hot tears streamed down over my cheeks, but this time, I didn’t care if he saw them.
“Iris.” His voice a mere whisper in the wind as his face fell along with his tone.
I smeared the tears and blinked away the blurry view. “Just once, I’d like for things to be easy, to not have everything be such a continuous and arduous battle, and I can’t fight for something I’ll never get. You may be so God-damned book smart you leapt ahead of your peers in education, but you lack street smarts and common sense. At least I know when I’ve lost. You just keep adding salt to the wound.”
“But…”
“As much as I…” The words balled up in a lump, lodged into my throat. “I need to go. Goodbye, Holden. Enjoy your perfect life.”
Chapter Fourteen
Deflated and heartbroken beyond anything I’d ever felt before, I stepped off the plane in Cheshire Bay. A whiff of salty air mixed with jet fuel swirled about, making me more nauseated than I wanted to be, perhaps it was from all the crying I’d done as we flew across the island.
Amber raced over when both my feet touched the asphalt of the tarmac.
“You’re here.” She wrapped her arms around me, and I melted into the embrace.
My strength threatened to puddle the longer she held me.
“Thank you, Eric.” She spoke over my shoulder to the pilot and then turned her focus back to me. “What’s wrong? Was it a rough flight?”
The pilot spoke from behind us and softly put his hand on my shoulder, patting gently. “Smooth flight. I think it’s the exhaustion of her turbulent weekend travels.”
What? He knows? Shit.
