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To me, Silas always had kind, brown eyes. Now they were filled with a warmth that wasn't there when we first met. I don't think they realized what a toll Evrin had taken on them.
Silas knew exactly what I was asking and gave a small, sad smile, his hand pausing as he soaped up his body.
"I'm happier than I've ever been and I feel bad about it," he admitted. "I never expected them to keep him in the ward for so long. The guilt is killing me."
"That means he's getting the help he needed in there," I reminded him. "They don't keep patients for longer than necessary,"
"On the other hand, it also feels kind of good to be living my life and not focusing half my energy on him. I know he's where he belongs right now and I'm where I belong." He brushed a kiss over my lips before rinsing his hair and body off, stepping aside so I could do the same.
He didn't speak again until I was wrapping a towel around myself. I hopped onto the counter to listen while he worked through it. He watched me dry my hair and brush it out. It felt so intimate, sharing showers and secrets with just us.
We've come a long way from the man my dad almost killed to the one standing before me.
"It's weird, but I almost don't know who I am anymore. Evrin has been such a huge part of my life for so long. He tore apart our family, my parents cut ties with us all for enabling him. Now I see that they were fucking right. I don't think cutting him out completely is the answer but we can't spend our lives at his side while he spirals further into the pit he dug for himself."
"Everyone needs a support system. But he can't take advantage of that either. It's not fair to put your life on hold for his," I said quietly. He nodded slowly and let out a breath, the words seeming to hit him hard.
A look of pain flashed in his eyes before determination took over.
"You're right. I think I'm ready to start figuring out what I want for once," he agreed.
"You're not alone. I have a feeling Jackson and Amos are both going to have to do the same."
He laughed, his entire face brightening at the sound. "I think Jackson's already found his place. He and Sawyer were talking about branching out and updating their website and booking systems."
The reminder of our separate lives had my chest tightening.
"What's that about?" he questioned as he smoothed out the wrinkle in my brow.
"I'm just not sure how to handle things," I admitted. "I don't want to miss out on this and stay home. But I don't want you guys staying in Lockwood when that's not what you want. I have obligations to Walter, my family, and friends, but I want this so much it hurts."
"Walter would never want you to put your life on hold or miss out on spending time with your pack, not for him and his shop," Silas said. His eyes were full of compassion. It was nice to have someone tell me what I needed to hear, even if it was tough.
"I just feel like I'll be letting everyone down. I never expected my life to take this kind of a turn," I relented.
"Nobody does, but aren't there two other people who are tied into that shop and happy to be there? Surely, you can work something out."
"Yes, but I'm supposed to be there with them."
My heart was already torn in two places, one on the ocean with my men, the other in Lockwood with my family and friends. Fuck, it shouldn't be this difficult.
A soft knock on the door was followed by Amos coming in. He blinked at us groggily for a moment.
"I really have to pee and I don't want to have to go to the other guys' rooms to ask," he said, doing a little dance. We'd all had a bit too much to drink last night and had passed out, he wouldn't be the only one waking up like this.
Silas and I both left the bathroom to give him privacy. He came out a few minutes later looking much less stressed.
"What's all this about?" he questioned, waving a hand between us. "I felt something in the bond and y'all have heavy looks on your faces."
"We're just talking about how to handle things with our future. Stressing, nothing new," I said with a quick chuckle.
"That's a tough place to be," he agreed. "None of us can make any decisions for you. Hell, I don't know what Silas, Jackson, and I are going to do."
"I've actually really enjoyed working with Oaks. I wonder if the galley needs an extra set of hands during busy charters," Silas mused. The spark of excitement on his face spoke volumes about how much he'd considered the idea.
Amos nodded. "Isaac was talking last night about changing things on board. He's trying to convince me to come along as well, especially Vince. He's been stuck on interior alone for too long I think."
"He's a smooth talker," I said fondly. The alpha wanted us all together and he was trying as hard as I was to make that happen.
