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Nick blushed endearingly. “Yeah. Sorry. I get a little awkward with these conversations. The teenage me comes out. I guess I’m trying to say I’d like us to be in a relationship. If that works for you.”
“It does.” Reeva leaned over to kiss him, trying to not grinexcessively. This was the conversation she’d been dreaming of ever since Nick had made a Jane Eyre reference on their second date. And it had finally happened. After everything she’d been through with Rakesh, and then years of bad dates, good dates that never went anywhere, and dates so bad they didn’t even make funny stories, Reeva was in a relationship with someone she liked wholiked her back. She couldn’t help but think that this was her reward for all the heartbreak—wasn’t that how it worked in rom-coms? And that would make Nick her happy ever after.
Nick kissed her back passionately and pulled off her T-shirt. Reeva reciprocated, surprised. She hadn’t intended to initiate anything sexual—not in her dad’s bed. But she didn’t want to reject Nick after the conversation they’d just had. And it wasn’t that big a deal. She could be intimate in her dad’s bed. She’d had plenty of sex in IKEA beds; what was one more?
“You’re so sexy,” whispered Nick, as he ran a hand through her hair. Her hair! It was going to be so much harder to hide her patch during sex now that it was getting bigger. She should have kept the hairband on. Or tied her hair up so it wouldn’t move. Oh god. Reeva continued kissing him, desperately trying to think of a solution. Would it be better if she was on top? Or perhaps if she just stayed in missionary and tried not to move her head? Nick ran his hands through her hair again and Reeva balked. She couldn’t do this.
Reeva pulled away, then caught Nick’s confused expression. She didn’t know what to say, so instead, she pulled down his boxer shorts. He moaned in surprised pleasure. Reeva took her chance to rearrange her hair and when she looked up, Nick was staring straight at the ceiling. She was safe. But she was also painfully, unusually aware of everything she was doing—every movement, every sound, every sensation. Normally during sex,she was caught up in the moment. Right now, she was not. Mainly becauseshe was giving her brand-new boyfriend a blow job in her dead dad’s bed.
Reeva prayed desperately that her dad’s ghost had not chosen this moment to look down on his three daughters fulfilling his dying wishes by praying for his soul. There was no way her current actions could be mistaken for prayer. Even if she was on her knees.
“Hey,” gasped Nick. “Stop.”
Reeva looked up at him questioningly. “What is it?”
“I... well, I just don’t feel comfortable, um, well, finishing in your mouth while you’re grieving your dad. It doesn’t feel right.”
Reeva tilted her head. “Uh, I’m sorry, I think I misheard you. Did you say youdon’twant to do that?”
“Yeah. Not while your family is singing prayers for your dad downstairs. I... don’t really think I should finish at all. Sorry.”
As Nick spoke, Reeva felt a thick, hot wave of shame spread over her. She sat up and pulled her top on quickly. She didn’t understand; why had Nick initiated sex stuff if he hadn’t wanted to? Had she been the one who’d accidentally started things? Did he think she’dwantedto do this in her dad’s bed? “No worries,” she said, wishing she was brave enough to say all of this aloud. “I get it.”
Nick reached out an arm and hugged her. “Good. Not that I wasn’t enjoying it; I very much was.”
“Of course,” said Reeva, suddenly wondering if he’d stopped her because hewasn’tenjoying it.
“Perfect. Shall we just watch a movie? I can pull something up on my laptop, and we can cuddle. I’m more in the mood for that anyway.”
“Uh-huh.”
Reeva plastered on a fake smile as Nick scrolled through his laptop. She felt shame burning into her skin. Her brand-new boyfriend had wanted an innocent Netflix and chill, and her depraved mind had taken things in the opposite direction. What was wrong with her? She was a terrible girlfriend—and an even worse daughter.
CHAPTER 6
Day 4
“That does soundbad,” agreed Lakshmi.
“Thanks. Aren’t you meant to be reassuring me that everything is okay and not as bad as I think?” Reeva adjusted her earbuds and wrapped her puffer jacket tight around her. It was miserable outside—gray, cold, windy—but it was still better than being cooped up with her family indoors. She’d left the house under the pretense of doing errands, but she’d just needed some space. And at least this way she could get to know the city her dad had called home.
“He stopped you from giving him a blow job. That’s never a good sign in my book.”
Reeva sighed morosely outside a pound shop. So far, she couldn’t see the appeal of Leicester. “Great. Well. Guess that relationship’s over before it began. Twelve hours is a real record for me.”
“Oh, calm down; I’m not saying you guys areover.He went out of his way to ask you to be in a bloody clementine with him.”
“He didn’t specify what kind of orange it was.”
“I don’t care if it’s a satsuma or a bag of Easy Peelers; he likes you enough to be in a relationship with you, Reeva. And he drove two hours to spontaneously surprise you while you’re going through a hard time. That’s practically a marriage proposal in my book.”
Reeva laughed despite herself. “A guy taking you out to dinner is practically a marriage proposal in your book.”
“I just don’t see why we need to sit through three courses and have them judge me on how many carb-based sides I order when we could go for drinks instead. And you know I don’t want to be tied down.”
“Yes, but you know I do... I love the thought of being married to someone I love. I always have.”
Lakshmi groaned. “I have no idea how you can be so traditional with a mother as progressive as yours. No wonder you get on so well with my mum.”
