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“Okay, but if you were still together.”
“We had bigger problems than him killing a cat. And Jaya’s right. No matter what Dad did or didn’t do, you were out of order at the funeral. This doesn’t excuse anything.”
“But I was just speaking my truth!” protested Reeva. “You guys do that all the time. I do itonce, and you all go crazy. How is that fair?”
“Because the one time you chose to do it, you managed to ruin our father’s funeral, upset his friends, and insult his memory,” pointed out Sita. “It wasn’t even your truth to speak, Reeva. And, I mean, time and place.”
“Okay, it wasn’t my intention to do any of that.” Reeva tried to control herself and her voice. She needed to stay calm or her sisters would outmaneuver her like they used to as teenagers. “It really wasn’t. I just... I had no idea how to do a eulogy for a man who’d killed my cat.”
“Why didn’t you just not get up there?” asked Jaya. “Say you were too sad or something?”
“I... don’t know. This felt right.”
“Well, it was unnecessarily harsh,” continued Jaya. “You always say I’m selfish, but I think what you did today was more selfish than anything I’ve ever done.”
“You’re marrying my boyfriend and having his baby!” exclaimed Reeva. She took a deep breath. She was losing control again.
“Ex-boyfriend, and I thought you’d forgiven me?” Jaya looked hurt. “Whatever, Reeva. I don’t know who you’re trying to beright now, but I don’t like her at all. I miss the old Reeva.” She opened the bathroom door and walked out.
Reeva turned to Sita. “You have to believe me.”
Sita looked directly into her sister’s eyes. “Maybe it’s best if you just leave.”
CHAPTER 17
Day 9
Reeva had donewhat her sisters had asked and left her dad’s house first thing in the morning, before the twins were up. It hadn’t been difficult considering she’d barely slept again. She’d thought her nightmares would subside now that she’d figured out what her subconscious had been trying to tell her, but if anything, they’d become worse. She was still seeing and feeling things from the cat’s perspective, but knowing her father was the one behind it all added an extra dimension to the pain. She’d woken in a cold sweat inhis bedat two a.m., gasping for air. There hadn’t even been a message from Nick to cheer her up.
Instead, Reeva had lain awake waiting for an appropriate time to get up, going over recent events in her mind. It had not been enjoyable. At one point, she’d even gotten up to measure her patch. It was too hard to reach the newer patches, but the main one had spread to 10.5 centimeters. Twenty-four hours earlier, she would have freaked out over this—her patch was now in double digits and her head practically had more holes on itthan a Connect 4 board. Not to mention that when she pulled her hair into a ponytail, it was half the size it used to be. But this time, Reeva hadn’t cried. She’d just felt the dull sadness within her expand even further and climbed back into bed.
By four a.m., the dull ache had transformed into a gaping chasm of loneliness. She’d been so desperate to speak to someone that she’d checked the time difference and called Nick. She’d planned on telling him everything, but when he’d answered the phone in a light, upbeat tone—softening his voice only to ask Reeva how the funeral had gone and to send his love to her family—she’d changed her mind. It felt absurd to tell him her dad had murdered her cat. He’d think she was insane or, worse, react like her sisters and view the whole thing as a joke. Even the best-case scenario—him believing her and being outraged on her behalf—was still bad: He’d end up realizing just how crazy her family really was.
So Reeva hadn’t said anything at all. She’d glossed over the funeral and her eulogy, instead making him laugh by telling him about Kavita Kaki’s thwarted matchmaking efforts. She’d felt a warm glow as he’d articulated how glad he was that Reeva hadn’t ditched him for an eligible Indian. But the glow had worn off seconds later as he told her all about the successful meetings he was having with Hot Lips and various execs. She hadn’t asked him anything about his relationship with her, and he hadn’t offered up any info, which meant Reeva had been forced to keep her jealousy to herself. It was, all things considered, a very lcb conversation.
The problem was that Reeva was now realizing she didn’t want an lcb; she wanted a UCB who’d be there for her. The call had been nice, sure, but what was thepointof it? Why did shehave a boyfriend if she couldn’t open up to him about her concerns and insecurities? It had left her craving a conversation with real connection—i.e., a conversation with Lakshmi—so Reeva had decided to leave Leicester and drive for two hours to speak to Lakshmi in person. Which was why she was now standing outside her flat at seven a.m.
She knocked gently on the front door, but there was no answer. She knocked louder. Nothing happened. She quietly unlocked the door and stepped inside. The familiar smell of patchouli and amber hit her as soon as she stepped into the hallway with its double mirrors and fresh flowers. She couldn’t help sighing in relief at the sight of her clean, ordered, cozy flat where the decor was as minimal as her dad’s, but the effect was more expensive Scandi vibes than former MI5 spy, and most importantly, none of her family was inside.
“Fluffy Panda,” whispered Reeva. “FP!” She wandered through the living room and kitchen searching for the cat, but she couldn’t find her. Reeva tried her bedroom, gently pushing the door open in case Lakshmi was still sleeping. The bed was messy and, as predicted, Lakshmi was wrapped up in the duvet, her legs hanging out the sides and her mouth semi-open as she snored gently. Fluffy Panda was asleep on the end of the bed, curled up in the exact same position as Lakshmi, her tiny mouth ajar as she breathed in sync with her temporary owner. It took Reeva a couple of seconds to register that they were not the bed’s only inhabitants. A hairy white male body was wrapped around Lakshmi’s.
Reeva let out a cry of shock, then clamped her hand to her mouth. She backed out of the room, but Lakshmi woke with a jolt.
“Reeva!” She pulled the duvet around her. “Oh my god. I’m sorry. I didn’t... I mean...”
“It’s fine,” cried Reeva, waving her arms awkwardly. “I’m leaving. You’re obviously allowed guests. It’s okay. I’ll just... be in the living room. Sorry. It’s my fault. Sorry.”
Lakshmi looked at her in pain as the man next to her started to move. He yawned loudly and sat up, bleary-eyed.
“Reeva. Shit,” he said. “Well, this is an HR disaster, isn’t it? A naked partner and two associates in the same room.”
Reeva stared at her boss in shock. Lee. He was in bed with Lakshmi. Her bed. She blinked at them wildly and then walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. There was a meow, and she looked down to see Fluffy Panda. Reeva smiled despite herself; the cat had followed her. She crouched down to give her a much-needed hug, but FP ran away from her. Reeva felt a sharp pang of rejection.
She made her way into the living room and slumped down into a chair. She didn’t know why she was so affected by the news that Lakshmi was sleeping with Lee; it wasn’t the first time her best friend had chosen an inappropriate sexual partner, and it wouldn’t be the last. But this felt different. Was it because she’d hidden it from Reeva? Because it had happened while Reeva was going through the hardest two weeks of her life? Or because it had now planted a seed of doubt in Reeva’s mind that Lakshmi’s recent success at work wasn’t just down to her legal skills?
Reeva shook the sexist view from her mind. No. It was just because she was in shock. Lakshmi didn’t even like Lee. She’d spent most of the last few years bitching about him to Reeva on their lunch breaks. It was Reeva who normally ended up defending him when Lakshmi made assumptions about his dick sizebased on his overpriced cars. But now here she was, wrapped around him in Reeva’s bedroom. None of it made sense. But all of it made Reeva feel nauseous. Was there not one thing in her life that could remain stable? Or did everything, from her best friend to her fucking hair follicles, have to let her down?
—
