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More memories creep through as I remember all the pool parties and barbecues my dad would have with the club.
Lilah and Claudia are younger than me, but other than them I’m the only other girl. The rest of the kids were all boys, and I remember my dad getting on all of them for always leaving me out.
Ringer and Flame were the worst about it when they were together. They would always act like they were playing with me but would suddenly just up and run away, leaving me by myself. I was always thankful when it was just Flame. When it was just the two of us, he was like my best friend. But as soon as Ringer came along, I was chopped liver.
I leave my old room, skipping down the stairs and heading to the backyard with Trigger on my heels. I'm surprised to find a brand new, full set of patio furniture out here waiting for us.
I take a seat in the comfy, cushioned adirondack chair and prop my feet up on the low table. Trigger plops down into the one across from me, his booted feet stretched out in front of him as he watches me carefully.
“What?” I ask, feeling seen while he continues to stare at me.
“I can’t imagine growing up here,” he says, shaking his head and looking around the backyard oasis my dad created, “but I can imagine all of the barbecues and birthday parties we can have as a family with the twins here.”
I inhale sharply, my breath getting caught in my chest. Trigger’s gaze snaps up and locks with my eyes, sensing my distress.
Visions of two little faceless toddlers running around the backyard and laughing with Trigger chasing behind them flashes through my head. The thought terrifies me just as much as I crave it.
“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, licking my dried lips. “Um…”
Trigger’s brow furrows and he leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “What is it, Red?”
“I just…” The words get stuck in my throat as I think of the best way to tell him that I’m not ready to talk about that yet. The future scares me. I’ve never thought past the physical relationship with Trigger. I want nothing more than for him to be a part of our children's lives, but to what extent?
“What’s going through your head right now, Red?”
“Why now?”
He shakes his head in bewilderment. “What do you mean?”
“Why all of a sudden are you talking as if we are going to be in a relationship?”
A flash of surprise shows on Trigger’s handsome face and then morphs into slight anger.
I stop him before he can respond. “Before I was raped, all we ever had was physical. We both agreed it was just sex. So why now, all of a sudden, are you acting like we’re together?”
He looks as if I slapped him across the face. I mentally put off worrying over the fact that what I just said clearly came out all sorts of wrong. I didn’t mean it to sound so harsh, but I am just really curious what it is that flipped inside of his head. I drop my head into my hands, already exhausted over the confrontation.
“You’re pregnant with my kids, Heather,” he says, matter-of-fact.
My head snaps up to look directly at him. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It has to do with a whole hell of a lot, actually.”
I take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. I drop my shoulders and look up to the clear blue sky. “My mom trapped my dad into a loveless marriage by getting pregnant with me. I won’t do the same to my kids.”
Trigger pushes off his chair and stands at his full height. “Do you know what it’s like to grow up without a family at all?”
My eyes widen as his jaw clenches after his voice cracks.
“In case you forgot,Pebbles,I grew up in the system, with no damn family. Over my dead body will my kids grow up without knowing that they havetwoparents that love them.”
I feel myself shrink as his voice rises. I didn’t mean to get him so worked up, but I know deep down this is a conversation we need to have.
I sit up in my chair, bracing myself. “I never said they wouldn’t have us both. I just want to know how now is different from then. I don’t want you to want to be in a relationship with me just because I’m pregnant with your kids.” I hold my hand up out in front of me when he tries interrupting me. “Right now is no different than it was a few months ago when we both agreed it was purely physical between us.”
“A lot fucking changes when you realize the woman you’ve fallen in love with was fucking kidnapped, Heather.”
