Page 123 of The Duchess Effect


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“But you and the prime minister figured it out?”

“Yeah. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her use me to prop up her agenda. Especially because I don’t support it. Despite what Parcellum thinks, that goesagainstmy brand.”

He nodded. “What will you do now?”

“I’ll have to figure something out.” She weakly threw up a hand. “More meetings where I’ll probably have to explain why my attending the banquet would’ve been a disaster.”

“I.”

For fuck’s sake!She jammed her hands on her hips. “What do you want from me?”

“Everything!” he shouted, his voice cracking with emotion.

Dani gasped and pressed her fingers to her lips.

“I want all of it. All of you. I want your heart, your smile, your laughter. Your kindness. Your sense of humor. Your intelligence. I want your body. I want your soul.” He moved closer. Cupped her cheek. “I want your faith. And I need your trust.”

Goddamn this man. It would be less painful if he’d punched a hole in her chest and ripped out her heart.

She covered his hand. “I can’t change who I am, Jay. I’ve given you all that I can.”

His lids fell and he retreated. “Then it’s not enough.”

She whimpered as hurt made it hard to breathe.

You’re not enough.

“Fine,” she said, dashing away her tears with the back of her hand.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

There were so many things she wanted to say.

I love you.

You’re one of the finest men I’ve ever known.

I can’t imagine a future without you.

Don’t leave me.

She shook her head.

He sighed and his shoulders slumped forward. “I’ve thought a lot about this total control you want over your life. But that shouldn’t be surprising because I think about you all the time. You factor into everything I do. Every action I take. Every decision I make. It’s a wonder I have the brain space to devote to anything else.”

Her heart squeezed at the stark vulnerability of his words.

“But that control, it’s a fantasy.”

“No—”

“None of us have it. My grandmother is the queen of England, and she has to answer to an entire nation. We’re here, in part, because she’s lived her life, privileged as it is, deathly afraid the British people were going to get rid of her.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, her mouth suddenly dry. “It’s different.”

“It’s not, love. And I can guarantee you, as long as you deal with other people, you’ll never be truly autonomous. There will always be someone you have to answer to, someone’s feelings that will have to be factored into your decisions. You’re not a woman on an island all alone.”

He’d never get how different it was for her.

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