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“He…he doesn’t want me.”
Lunging forward, Blaire wraps me in her arms and squeezes hard. “That man is an idiot, and I have no idea what is going through his big, dumb head.” Sitting back, she releases me but holds on to my shoulders. “You are an amazing woman, Emree Anders. Not only are you absolutely stunning on the outside, but you have the kindest heart of anyone I know. He is a fool to do this to you, and I will make sure his death is slow, but you are strong. This will not tear you down.”
Forcing a smile, I reassure her that I understand, yet doubt creeps in. “I know.”
With a bounce, Blaire is up on her feet. “If there is one thing you taught me when Camden and I had issues, it is that there is no crying over men. They do not deserve our tears, and we do not need them.” She walks over toward the kitchen, and I decide it is a good idea to get up off the floor.
Wiping my tears, I go to sit on the three-person couch. A place with a lot of memories I made with Conrad. Ones of us snuggling together and watching a movie that would eventually turn into us falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Blaire comes in with my favorite ice cream, rocky road, and hers, Ben & Jerry’s Americone Dream. She hands me mine along with a spoon and takes a seat on the other end of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. “We are going to drown ourselves in creamy goodness and have the night to be sad. Tomorrow, my badass friend, we are moving forward. Conrad has lost his marbles for letting you go, but he does not deserve your tears.”
“But, Blaire—”
“No buts,” she interrupts. “I am serious, Emmy. You are a catch and if he doesn’t see that, we will find you someone who does. There are plenty of attractive men on campus. Or hey, what about that kickboxing instructor? He was hot, and you said he asked you out.”
I hadn’t even thought about Andres since we attended our class the Monday before our spring break trip. He did ask me out that first day and flirted some when we came to his class.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Even I can hear the doubt in my own words.
The thought of jumping to someone else right after what just happened between Conrad and me doesn’t feel right. While in the past, moving on with someone else was not uncommon, none of those relationships were as serious as mine and Conrad’s. He was the first guy I called my boyfriend. The longest I had been with a guy before him was probably around two months. The sad fact is that the guys before were always the ones to end it. There must be some man repellent I have that makes them leave me.
Once she finishes her mouthful of ice cream, she points her spoon at me. “Of course I am right,” she says in a stern tone. The longer she stares at me, the softer her eyes become. “This isn’t you, Em. You’re one of the most confident people I know, and you’ve dated before, but I’ve never seen you like this.”
That’s where she’s wrong. I’m not a confident person. Blaire didn’t know precollege Emree, the girl who felt like she wasn’t desirable to men and was insecure about her body. Moving to Braxton and starting a new life helped me build that confidence, but those doubts are still lingering inside of me. The ones that tell me I’m not attractive enough or worthy of being loved.
The sad part is Conrad was bringing out a more self-assured Emree. The way he admired my body and the sweet, comforting words he would tell me made me think all my insecurities were blown out of proportion. I’m no longer the same girl I was in middle and high school. While I am still curvy, I have grown to love my body. No longer do I have a face filled with acne after finally seeking help from a dermatologist. I’m happier with myself in the years since leaving my small town in North Florida, but some of that self-doubt lingers. I must have been doing a hell of a job hiding it, though, since my best friend and roommate sees me as one of the most confident people she knows.
“I’ll be okay, Blaire.” Mustering up my best reassuring smile, I nudge her with my foot. “Maybe I’ll take the hot kickboxing coach up on his offer.”
She smiles. “He was pretty cute. Plus, I couldn’t help but notice it took him a lot of self-control to keep his eyes off you during our class.”
A laugh escapes me, and it feels good. “He was not.”
Blaire nudges me with her foot. “He so was. You should have seen Jules on the other side of me. She was doing everything to get him to look at her. I swear, one of her boobs almost fell out of her sports bra because she was pushing them up so high.”
“What?” I choke on some ice cream. “How could you not tell me that?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “Guess I kind of forgot about it until now. It was funny, though, but luckily, he didn’t notice because he was too focused on the blonde bombshell beside me.”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes at her. “Let’s watch something mindless on TV to distract me from that asshole breaking my heart tonight.”
Grabbing the remote, Blaire clicks the TV on. “Are we avoiding something sappy? Maybe some action? A comedy?” She begins flipping through Netflix movies.
“Definitely nothing sappy or romantic,” I tell her. “What aboutWedding Crashers? That always gets us laughing.”
“Wedding Crashersit is then.” Blaire turns the movie on and snuggles into her spot on the couch after grabbing the blanket behind her.
“Warning you right now, I’m going to finish this container of ice cream and make some popcorn and maybe even some brownies during the movie.”
Junk food is a staple when your heart is broken.
Blaire looks over at me and smiles. “That is a beautiful warning, my friend.”
We remain silent as the movie plays. I try not to get lost in my own thoughts, but I can’t help it. Dating someone in your friend group is great until that couple breaks up. A lot is going to change. Blaire being in a relationship with Conrad’s roommate/friend/teammate will become complicated. Then throw in that Jules (Mateo’s childhood best friend), Blaire, and I have become close and are together regularly. Plus, Blaire and I would spend almost every weekend at the guys’ house.
Part of me is worried that I’ll be the one to fall off the friend group and not Conrad. It would make sense. The majority of our friends live with him and they were his first. I just hope I don’t lose my girls. Not having them, especially after losing him, would make all of this so much more difficult and add even more heartbreak.
11
