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“Katya, last night… have you thought about what you want to do now?”
She straightens up. Draws in breath. “Yes, I’ve thought about it, and I know what I want.” She grinds to a halt, biting a lip, looking down.
I wait… “Katya?”
She raises her face again, this time, looking me in the eye. “I want you. Hickman, I want you to marry me.”
My world stops revolving. The noise in my head falls to a hush. I find myself parroting her words to me of… How long ago was it? Two weeks?
Barely.
“Katya, I'm sorry. I think I misheard you.”
“You didn't mishear me. I asked you to marry me.”
My mouth is sour and floury. “As jokes go, that’s not in good taste.”
“It’s not a joke. I’m perfectly serious.”
“Why would you want to marry me? I’ve already said I’m not husband material.”
“And as I told you before. I think you’re wonderful husband material. You’re loyal, courageous, compassionate. You saved my life. And I know you’d do it again.”
My throat is tight. My chest too. The air is too thick to breathe. “Katya, please don’t toy with me. It’s not fair. You don't have to do this. I'll protect you anyway. I’ll get you to safety whatever happens. And then…”
Her head cants. “You think I seduced you so you’d stay with me.”
“Didn't you?”
“No, I didn’t. And I do want you to marry me.”
“Katya, you were mistress to Romano for… what? Two years? Okay, he proved himself a bastard. But that’s all over now. You could have anyone you want.”
“I want a man,” she snarls. “I believed Leone was a man. He was a piece of shite wearing the clothes of a man. I've found the real thing. I just didn’t realise it at first. But you’ve proved yourself. More than proved yourself. Hickman, I’m alone. I’m pregnant. You stood by me when the man who should have loved me, protected me, instead threw me to the dogs.”
“Katya, why would you want to marry me? We’re two very different people. You’re educated. Independent. I’m…”
… and she interrupts me. “Very different? Not true. Or not entirely. You want your freedom. You told me you don’t want to be tied down. Or to be involved with a woman you would have to lie to. Well, you don’t have to lie to me. I know exactly what you are. And I don't want to be tied at the hip either. Why do you think I was that man's mistress? Because he hung me with diamonds and gave me the occasional tumble in the bed…” She snorts, her lips curling… “… When he could manage it…
“… I've had offers. I could have married if I’d wanted it. But the fact is, I don't want a man who's there all the time. I enjoy my freedom. I can earn my own money. Be independent.” She chews at a lip, sounding suddenly timid. “I wouldn’t be a burden to you. So… What do you think?”
I nod down to her still-flat belly. “You won’t be so independent after the baby’s born.”
“My point entirely.” Her palm slides over her belly… “A child needs a father. A real father.” Her face drops, then lifts. “Hickman, the child would be yours in every way except one. Any other children I had would be yours in all ways.”
She breathes in, lungs shuddering. “That's my promise to you, Hickman. If you’ll be my husband, father to my child, you can have me too. If you want other children, I’ll be the mother you need for them.”
Her chest rises and falls. “Hickman, I know I want you. I’m sure you want me. And I think… you’re… in love with me?”
She trails off, the question in her eyes… In the silence… Then, “I know you're in love with me. That's why you stayed with Romano.”
What do I say? I feel a fool.
“Hickman? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Having feelings for someone. Why didn't you say something?”
I blow out my cheeks. “Feelings for my employer’s mistress? Be honest, Katya. You would never have looked at me twice if it weren't for this. D’you imagine I wanted you thinking of me as a stalker? Or the creep that hangs around uninvited? To send you screaming into the hills?”
“No, I suppose not.” She breathes in, then out, the silence hanging. “You are in love with me?”
