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He hesitated for a moment and that gave me my answer. His life was the club and anyone hoping to rotate in his orbit would have to be on board with that.
“I take time when I need to. But that isn’t much. I love my club and the life we’ve forged. Being its leader is a serious responsibility.”
"Is it like that for everyone or just you?"
Irritation crossed his face. "This is why I don't do relationships, Sasha. I can't. It takes too much focus from what I need to do. Our club has been to hell and back and I'd like to keep us in a better place for as long as I can. If I had an old lady, I'd have to split my time. It wouldn't be fair to her or the club."
I compressed my lips to keep from arguing. Finding a balance in life wasn't easy, but I believed it could be done. Especially if it was important enough.
"Okay," I said. "I've gotten the message. Now can we get back to the kissing part?"
He shook his head, his fingers running through the sides of my hair. "If I keep kissing you, I may not stop." He leaned forward and kissed along my jaw this time, purposely avoiding my lips.
I groaned. "I may not want you to stop."
"You say that now. But trust me. You will."
Before I could argue or respond in any way, he covered my mouth and kissed me senseless until I could no longer think straight. The press of his firm lips. The slide of his hot tongue. The taste of spice and man. It was all so incredible.
When he backed away, he stared at me with an intense heat that mesmerized me.
"I can't stop kissing you," he growled, as he pressed those magical lips to my jaw and then worked his way down my neck. Holy hell I was a goner already. "I need to take you home and fuck you."
"Yes," I cried at both his words and the sensitive spot on my neck that he nipped with his teeth.
"But I'm not going to." He pulled back again and this time pressed his forehead to mine.
Wait. "What?" I was hot and needy and ready to do whatever it took to find some relief with this gorgeous man.
"We both need some time to think."
I shook my head. "No. I don't want to think," I insisted, running my hands down the hard planes of his chest and abs. "Just do."
"Baby, you are speaking my language." He ran his hands up my sides, grazing the edges of my heaving breasts before he encircled both of them around my neck and lightly squeezed. "But I don't have the best track record of doing the right thing when it comes to women. You need to know that. And you need to consider it before you land in my bed."
"JD," I whined. "I'm not some child who needs to be coddled. I can make my own decisions."
"Agreed. Only our first time isn't going to be at a club party. Or the night I watched a nomad fucker put his hands on you, and then made him pay for it," he said, his voice filled with regret.
"That actually sounds like a perfect reason for us to be together tonight. We can put both of those things behind us."
He shook his head. "I've made up my mind and I need you on board. I've got a hell of a week lined up and I have to keep my head in that game so no one gets hurt. Not remembering how sweet your pussy is and watching the clock until the next time I can be inside you."
My lower region clutched at his words. "Is that what you think? That it's going to be so good you won't be able to think about anything else?"
"That's exactly what I know, baby girl. That heat you're generating between those sexy thighs is going to burn me alive."
I wrapped my hands around his waist and held on tight. I tried not to think about the heavy weight of disappointment sitting in my chest. Or the prickling of tears at the edges of my eyes. One I would absolutely not shed no matter how present they remained. "That's a lot of pressure to put on something that hasn't even happened. You could end up disappointed."
"That's not fucking happening and I think you know it too. I'm drawn to you. Hell, I've not spent much time kissing a woman in years and look at me. I'm panting after you. It's almost embarrassing."
The idea of waiting still seemed foreign to me. What if he changed his mind? Or worse, this really was some sort of blow off and I never got this chance again? It was then his words really sank in. Did he say years?
I started to ask him about that but he interrupted my train of thought with his mouth and his tongue and now his fingers grazing across my nipples, making my brain melt completely. I was being reduced to incomplete thoughts and whimpers now.
By the time he pulled back, I was as soft as jello and hotter than the wood stove I used to heat my apartment. He was right about one thing. It was very difficult to think straight when we were together. But it was hard to let go of the hope that we could be together now.
He pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me tightly. "C'mon. Let's get you home before the sunrises so you can get some sleep. I promise you, Sasha. Tomorrow you'll be glad we waited and however long it takes, it will be worth it."
