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“Actually, that one is a little bit of a me problem,” I replied. “Neither of us did.”
He inclined his head as if to say he was agreeing with me. “I tried to keep you at arm’s length so I could work them out, and you just kept popping up everywhere with my sister. I couldn’t ignore you, no matter how hard I tried, especially when I knew how badly I’d hurt you. Then you came to my house and tried to tell me how to do my job, and I lost it.”
I looked away.
“I know that’s not what you were trying to do. You had real concerns about Steph, and I should have listened instead of yelling at you. I shouldn’t have let Kayla speak to you like that, either. I was dealing with a lot and couldn’t think straight.”
“I’m guessing she’s not pregnant then, if you’ve broken up with her. Unless you’re a heartless git.”
“No. It was a false alarm. I’m not sure there was even an alarm, to be honest, just wishful thinking on her part. It wasn’t something we’d spoken about. Shit, we weren’t even that serious. I knew it was a conversation she wanted to have, but I wasn’t ready for that, even before you came back.” He sighed. “Then I definitely wasn’t.”
I peered up to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry. I wish I could go back and change the way we left things. I yelled at you about closure, but I guess neither of us got it.”
“I’m the one who screwed up.”
“Not entirely. Maybe if I’d told you the truth about how I felt instead of running away all those years ago, you wouldn’t have felt the way you did.” I wrung my fingers together before pressing my clasped hands to my stomach. “We both handled it badly, and it’s not like you stopped talking to me to hurt me. It was just a byproduct of the circumstances.”
“I never meant to do that to you. I didn’t lie when I told you it all before. I was trying so hard in training, and everything else just fell to the side. By the time I realised it had been a few weeks since I’d replied to you, I thought you’d probably moved on. It was a bad decision on my part.”
“It was a long time ago. Things are a lot different now.” I smiled a little. “Hopefully we can put it behind us.”
“You might be able to, but I can’t.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. I’m not over it, Lottie. I’m not over you.”
I inhaled sharply.
Pain flashed in his eyes. “When we got to the crash, and I got out of the car and heard you screaming in the boot…” He let out a long, shuddery breath, shaking his head. “I’ve never been so fucking terrified in my whole life. I didn’t know what he’d done to you, I didn’t know how badly you were hurt. For a moment, I expected to open it and find you dead.”
I swallowed. “I thought I was dead, and you were an angel coming to take me home.”
“Don’t even joke about that.”
“Sorry. Dark humour makes me feel better.”
He pressed his lips together, but it looked a lot like he was fighting a smile. “I’m not joking, Lottie. The moment I realised you were in that smoking car…” He shook his head, his smile dropping. “The thought that you were hurt made me feel sick. When I got you out and saw those cuts and marks on you—saw you crying and hyperventilating? I’ve never been so fucking angry in my entire life. If you didn’t need me more, I’d have dragged that fucker out of the car and torn him limb from limb for doing that to you.”
I swallowed.
“I went to the hospital as soon as I could, and they told me you wouldn’t let me in to see you. Nobody would tell me anything, and I only knew you were all right because Ash and Jamie took pity on me. Hell, even your dad came to find me outside and told me you’d be okay.”
“You were the last person I wanted to see,” I said softly. “I told them not to let you in. After everything that happened…”
“I know,” Noah said quickly. “You said. It’s fine. I wasn’t angry. I was a bit upset, but again, that one is a me problem.”
I cracked the tiniest of smiles.
“That’s when I broke up with Kayla. I didn’t see her for two days because of work. The paperwork from the crash and everything took fucking forever. When she did come over, it was six a.m., I was exhausted, and all she was concerned about was that she had her bloody period.”
“Noah, that’s too much info.”
“She couldn’t understand that I was more upset about what happened to you than her not being pregnant with a child we’d never discussed.”
“Perfectly reasonable of her. I was only kidnapped, bound, gagged, and beaten before being thrown in a boot to be murdered and dumped somewhere. Obviously, her day was much worse.”
“Lottie—”
