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“Hey, uh... do you have any... like, uh... butt plugs? My buddy over there needs one. A real big one. Maybe one with like, uh... a tail attached?” He chuckles, sounding like Beavis, or maybe it’s Butthead? Stupid, either way. “Yeah, cuz he’s my... bitch. Like my dawg, ya know.”
He looks back at his crew, who’re grinning maniacally, probably having dared him to do this as some sort of testosterone-fueled challenge, and they all start barking loudly.
Woof—woof—woof!
Awhooooo!
Completely prepared and straight-faced, Jaxx whips out one of our rarely sold products. I didn’t even know we had a sample of it. “Actually, yes. We have the Furry Friends Fucker, or Triple F, if you’d rather.” She flips it around in her hand, showing the flared end to the gobsmacked guy. “See? This particular plug has a twist-to-attach mechanism so you can buy any of our tail accessories and switch them out with your mood. Dog today, cat tomorrow, or if you’re really feeling spicy, we have a dragon one that’s scaled for your partner’s pleasure.”
Having reached her limit of letting this guy think he’s actually doing something, she gives him a pointed and withering look up and down and finishes with a scathing, “Though I don’t thinkyoucould handle that.”
I’m pretty sure the guy’s brain is short-circuiting or something because his mouth is opening and closing like a water-starved fish. He doesn’t know if he should be offended by Jaxx’s assessment that he can’t handle a dragon tail or thankful that she doesn’t think he’s some sort of furry because in his little mind, that’s strange.
Not having the mental strength to come up with anything better, he swats Jaxx’s hand away. “Shut up, slut,” he snarls angrily.
It definitely doesn’t help that Jaxx laughs loudly as he stomps back to his friends with his metaphorical tail between his legs.
“You can use the QR code to order secretly so your bros don’t know,” she calls out after him.
“Jaxx!” I hiss, pulling her back. “Don’t get us kicked outta here.”
“He’s the one who should get kicked out. I’m not kink shaming. I showed him what he asked for. He’s the one who thought asking for a butt plug was gonna be some big woo-hoo deal.” Jaxx brushes off her shoulders. “And I for damn sure will not let some douche nozzles shame me, or our customers, because their minds are littler than their dicks.”
She’s right, but the scene has still scared off most of our customers, though we now have a wider audience watching the show.
“I didn’t know we had that,” I say, pointing at the plug still in her hand.
“Yeah, it’s not a best seller,” Jaxx admits, “but you know what they say, there’s something for everyone.”
She’s putting the goodies into a bin beneath the table when a male voice says, “I changed my mind. I wanna get that thing.”
I flick my eyes up to find the same guy standing at our table, but in the next instant, it registers that he’s got his whole crew with him. One blink and they’ve all grabbed various products from our table, nearly clearing it of samples.
“Dude, what kinda whore can fit this monster in her cooch?”
“What are these antennae things?”
“Catch!”
The guys are holding up vibrators and dildos with their gross commentary, tossing them to each other keep-away style and laughing raucously. One goes sailing across the room, slapping into a window with a thud.
“Hey! Asshole! What the fuck?” Jaxx screams. She makes a dive for one of the guys, trying to get back the pink dildo he’s wielding like a sword.
He dodges and laughingly shouts, “En guarde!”
Another bro-type holds his vibrator up like a sword, and they start smacking them together. There’s a joke about crossing swords and repressed urges in there, but I can’t laugh right now. Not when our product samples are going everywhere.
It’s raining dicks!plays through my head to the tune ofIt’s Raining Menas another flies by.
“Give that back!” I shout at another guy who’s waving a double-ended toy over his head like a spinning helicopter blade.
He flashes a too bright, Crest-commercial smile my way, having entirely too much fun with this. “Make me.”
He holds the toy straight up into the air, using his height against me and smirking down at me victoriously.
But I’m not some stupid nitwit that’ll jump to reach something, making my breasts bounce for this asshole’s enjoyment. Nope, instead I lift my knee up sharply, feigning that I’m going to forcefully introduce his nuts to my kneecap. He jerks reflexively, curling in to protect himself from the assault. But I was never going to actually do it. I just wanted him to bend down so I could reach the toy.
I rip it from his hand, and one end smacks across his cheek. Shock and anger flash in his eyes, but the shouts of his buddies draw his attention away from me.
