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She pursed her lips. “I thought I came close once. With you. Otherwise, no.”
“But you’re happy?” he asked.
“Why? Trying to soothe your guilty conscience?”
“Because I always hoped you were.”
Well, shit. Her cynical heart gave a tug. He always had a way of cutting through her usual shtick with that wretchedly effective weapon—sincerity.
“I’m happy,” she said. “The bar is great.”
“The heart of the town, it seems.”
“Thanks.” She sure hoped it was. That was kind of the point. “I work at the nursing home a little.”
“I saw you there on Thursday.”
“You did?”
“I’m consulting on a new wing. You were with your grandfather. I didn’t want to intrude.”
Gramp had been having a bad day. Completely unresponsive, only accepting a sip of water if she held the glass to his lips, like a baby bird.
The noise from the party floated up to them, laughter and music, in little waves on the summer air.
She cleared her throat. “And your marriage? Was it good?” Crap. This talking stuff was very difficult.
His eyes were so dark. “For the most part, yes.”
Ah, shit. She was going to have to ask. It was the elephant in the attic, after all. “Lucas,” she said, and her voice shook a little, “why her and not me? You said you didn’t want to get married so young. Was it who she was? Her family? The money? I won’t judge you. I just want to know.”
He didn’t answer right away. “She was pregnant.”
The words seemed to suck the hot air out of the attic completely, leaving nothing to feed her lungs.
Maybe she’d always known. She’d asked him that that horrible day, and she still remembered the pause before he said no. For nine months, she waited to hear news of a baby, not proud of it, but waiting and waiting.
No birth announcement. Back then it had been a relief.
But now... “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
He nodded once and looked at the floor. “Thank you.”
For a few minutes, they didn’t say anything else. Colleen surreptitiously wiped her eyes.
Lucas was looking at her again, his face somber. “I came to see you,” he said. “After you broke up with me. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
She already knew why he never followed through.
“You were with someone else,” he said, his voice quiet. “It seemed like you were serious about breaking up. I went back home, ran into Ellen a few weeks later, slept with her. One time. And that was that.”
“I asked you, though. When you came back, I asked if she was pregnant.”
He nodded again. “She didn’t want anyone to know, outside of her parents. I didn’t...I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already was. And I had to respect what Ellen wanted.” He paused. “She miscarried about a month after the wedding.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said again.
He gave her a small smile. “Me, too.”
