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“You can’t just order me around like this,” I finally said.
“I can’t trust anyone not on my payroll. I think this might be bigger than we thought, and I need to know that you’re safe, okay? I need to go, and I need you to stay here. Do you understand?”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel safe here, trapped with your men.”
His shoulders dipped in defeat. “I trust them, though. You’re safe with them.”
“I don’t want to be safe. I want to fight.” I turned and stormed from the closet.
“Christine.” He sounded exasperated and I hated him for being so stubborn. What use was making me into a monster if he didn’t trust me to protect myself?
I heard him call my name as he followed me, but I ignored him. I didn’t stop until I threw myself on the bed with a thud. Covering my face with the pillow, I tried to block out the world around me. I could hear him hovering, knew that he was waiting. He touched my back, and I jerked away, rolling to face him. The look on his face sent my heart into overdrive.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he said, slowly touching my arm. “I’m sorry, Little Monster.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I was crying. The tears just kept coming. I felt helpless. I wanted to run, to fight, to scream, to do anything but just sit here waiting for him to fight my battles for me. “I hate this. All of this. And I’m starting to hate you, too.”
Atticus had always made me feel capable and in charge. But I hated that he was just like every other man in my life. Trying to control me. Trying to keep me up high on a pedestal of blood and destruction.
“I can handle your hate if it keeps you safe,” he murmured.
I sat up and leaned closer to him. “Please, don’t leave me,” I whispered as I leaned into his body, pressing my wet cheek against his stomach. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and held me close, but I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips.
“I’ll be back soon, I promise.”
“If you leave, I’ll run. I won’t stay here,” I said, my voice breaking as I clung to him.
He didn’t say anything. Despite the fact that he held me as close as he could, I could see that he was fighting with himself internally. He wanted to tell me to stay here, but he didn’t. I felt his heart pounding as if it were trying to hammer its way from his chest. He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me before pulling away.
“Tell me something, Atticus,” I whispered while peering up at him. “Why turn me into a killer if you won’t trust that I’m capable?”
He reached for my cheek. “The goal was never to make you a killer, Little Monster. The goal was to make you stop fearing the world.”
“And yet, here we are.” I let out a bitter laugh. “You’re the scared one now.”
“In some ways, you’re right,” he said without an ounce of regret. “And you’re wrong. I was never afraid of the world. I’m just afraid of losing you.”
He kissed me quickly before pulling away. He hurriedly packed the rest of his things. I felt like a fool. I’d let myself believe that we were having some connection, that something was growing inside of my soul, and I was sure that he felt the same. I touched my chest lightly and felt the pounding in my heart. It was a connection of a different sort. A confusing, volatile connection that I didn’t understand at all.
“Why don’t you stay with me tonight?” I asked. “We never got to finish what we started.”
He gave me a solemn look. “Augustus is waiting for me. Bastard’s been on a rampage ever since…”
I scowled. “Ever since you lied to him. Ever since I fake died?”
He strapped a gun to his hip and tugged on his shirt. “I’m not going to apologize for protecting either of you. Augustus needs to stay focused and take down Lord Nathan. Now he has the proper incentive. We both know he won’t do anything for his own sake. But he sure as hell will burn the world down for you.”
A spike of insecurity rushed through me. “You really think so?” My question was barely a whisper. I couldn’t help but think about the years Augustus didn’t fight for me. I didn’t blame him, nor did I harbor any regrets. I needed to leave, and he needed to stay far away from me. Far away from all of this.
“Of course. Christine, he might be a pain in the ass and definitely doesn’t deserve you, but the boy loves you. Do you think otherwise?”
I bit my lip and looked away. I loved August, but I didn’t trust him to love me back. This was all still so new, so fresh. I was tired of being guarded. I wanted to be free. “I don’t know,” I said.
Atticus waited for me to look back at him. I did, and he was right there, standing right in front of me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and I felt the electricity spark between us. “Augustus never stopped loving you, Little Monster. He was devastated when you left, and he’s been a mess ever since…”
I swallowed and looked away. “Is it wrong that I’m glad?” I whispered, looking at the floor. “It makes his feelings more…real. I must be a terrible person. I don’t want him to think I’m dead. I don’t want to be cooped up in this tower while you fight my battles.”
“Christine,” he said, his voice low and sexy. He leaned closer to me and kissed my ear, his warm breath causing goose bumps to rush over my skin. “There is nothing wrong with wanting us to love you back. With wanting that love to feel tangible. You can admit all the things you want, and I’ll do everything in my power to give them to you. As long as it doesn’t compromise your safety.”
