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She nodded stiffly. “I’m fine, I promise,” she said unconvincingly, not meeting my gaze.
I knew she was lying, but chose not to push it.
She took a deep breath, her eyes filling with tears. “But you’re not. I’m so sorry, Leo.”
My voice cracked like thunder as I yelled out, “I don’t fucking care about me. What’s going on? Why are you still here? You need to leave, Christine. You can’t marry him.” My whole body shook with rage, but underneath all my anger was love. A deep, powerful love that I wanted to show her with every fiber of my being. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and protect her from all the surrounding dangers. I wanted to give her the love she deserved, the kind I should have given her from the start.
Fear snaked its way through my veins, paralyzing me with dread. My selfishness was a blaring beacon, mocking me with its intensity. I was petrified—of not taking up space in her heart, of my own insignificance as just a mere man, a guard who didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I was nothing compared to them. Nothing.
How could she ever love me the way I loved her, when she shared her heart with them?
But if I could do it all over again, I’d be brave. I’d take her. I’d fight for her. I’d take whatever sliver of affection I could.
She placed her hand over my mouth. “Shh… We have to be careful, or they won’t let me see you again.”
“What happened?”
“You were badly injured. You needed treatment, so I had to go along with what they asked of me.”
“What did they ask? Did Lord Nathan hurt you…did he…” The words hung in the air, stirring up a cauldron of emotions. Shame and terror coiled around my heart like an anaconda, tightening with each memory of her perfect body getting violated. Acidic bile bubbled in my gut, and I shook my head, unable to face the answer to my question. I locked eyes with her, both of us knowing the truth: no matter how far we went, she and I would be tethered together forever by Lord Geralt’s heinous crime.
“No. No, Leo. I just had to tell the world I wanted Lord Nathan to be my husband. I had to renounce August.” She looked away, as if ashamed.
“You did what you had to do,” I rasped. “I don’t deserve it—”
“I would do anything for you, Leo. Anything. I love you.”
“Christine,” I said, disbelief coursing through me. It didn’t matter how many times she claimed to love me, I couldn’t believe someone as perfect and precious as her truly felt that way about me. “Thank you.” I wanted to declare my love for her, too, but something held me back.
She shook her head, her eyes welling with tears. “I did what I had to do.”
I looked down. “I know. I know.”
She spat out her words, her face contorted in rage. “They didn’t just want my words. They wanted me to make it convincing. So I had to kiss him. Let him hold my hand. I was disgusted with myself.” Her tears cascaded down her face. She furiously swatted at them. “I’m sorry. You’re sick and I’m here sobbing like an idiot.”
“Why are you apologizing to me? I’m the one that failed you.”
She shook her head. “I trained to defend myself. I should have been stronger. I should have saved us.”
“No, I was the one who should have protected you. I don’t deserve to live—”
“Stop, Leo.” She grabbed my face, her fingers digging into me. “I love you. I will always love you. I should have done more. I’m so sorry.”
“You did what you had to do. You did everything. More than I deserve. I’m just so sorry that you had to do any of it.”
“Stop saying that. Stop blaming yourself. Please.”
“Christine, you must leave him. Run. You can’t do this. Please. Please just leave.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. He has all of you.”
“You should have left before it got to this point.”
She gave me a brutal smile. “You’re always trying to get rid of me.”
I let out a sigh. “And I always fail.”
“Yeah.”
