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“Don’t be silly.” She waved her hand, shooing away my concern. “That’s the way it works.”
“I love all three of them, just in different ways,” I said, shrugging. “Leo is…he’s strong and powerful, but at the same time, he’s caring and protective. He knows just when to listen and when to intervene. He has a commanding presence that makes you feel safe and protected.”
“And the others?” she asked with a smile.
I paused, collecting my thoughts.
The morning sun cascaded through the windows and filled the room with dancing light. “August is like an unpredictable thunderstorm,” I declared. “He’s fierce and aggressive and egotistical, but at the same time, tender and kind. He is loyal and endearingly sweet.”
“And Atticus?”
“He’s my peace,” I said, nearly breathless. “He makes everything okay again. He’s my anchor and I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s my haven. He comforts me and shows me that I’m capable of more than I ever thought I was. That I’m perfect just the way I am.” My voice quivered slightly. There was a lump in my throat that wouldn’t be swallowed back down. “He sees the real me, the good and the bad, and he loves me anyway.” I let out a sigh. “I just worry about the logistics of it all.”
“But, Christine, it’s not so strange. I wouldn’t worry yourself so much.”
I blinked at her. “What do you mean?”
“If you’re worried how I’ll feel, don’t,” she sighed. “Leo is more than capable of making his own decisions. I want my son to be happy. That’s all any mother wants for their child.”
I shifted in my seat. “But what if…what if I can’t make him happy? What if I’m forcing him into an impossible situation? If I go back as queen, we’ll never have a normal marriage. A normal life. What about children? What if he never gets the future he wants?”
“What if?” she echoed me. “What if you take the crown and it’s a disaster? You will regret not taking the chance to be happy.”
“But what if that chance is with three men?” I asked. “What if he truly loves me and can’t stand the thought of me with another man? What if it’s too much? What if I can’t give him everything he needs?”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Vivian sighed, her eyes softening. “That’s life. That’s being in a relationship. The only way to know is to try.”
“If I try and fail…”
“Then you have a life worse than the one you had before. And if you’re lucky, you’ll learn from that.”
I smiled. “That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a relationship.”
“If you can’t handle the pressure, then maybe you shouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place.”
I looked up at her, a million thoughts running through my mind. She was right. If I didn’t try and the stakes were this high, I’d always wonder what would have happened. And if it was good, I’d never forgive myself for not being brave enough to see it through.
“I just don’t know how to make it work.”
“You just need to love each other and forgive each other when you make mistakes. You need to be loyal and committed, and you need to work together as a unit. You need to love one another so much that you’re willing to change to make the relationship work. So much that you’re willing to make that sacrifice. Yes, it’s hard sometimes, but you have to make time for each other, and that means being with each other, no matter the consequences.”
“The consequences, so far, have been death and war,” I said, a sad smile on my face.
“That is the consequence of being a queen. Leo, Atticus, and Augustus need you to be the best that you can be. I hope you can rise to the challenge.”
“I hope so, too,” I said. “I’m terrified,” I admitted, playing with the hem of my shirt.
“Of what?”
“Of disappointing all of them. Of royally screwing this up. Of losing the people I love.”
“Love is a powerful thing, Christine. It can make fools of us all. It can make us do things we would never have imagined ourselves doing. It can make us believe in things that we otherwise wouldn’t believe. But it can also make us stronger than we ever thought possible.”
“I’ve known Leo long enough to know that he’ll go to the ends of the world for me,” I said.
“I hope you never have to test that.”
I nodded. “I hope I don’t, too.”
