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How to thrust while I thrashed.
My body shook and tears poured down my face as he drove relentlessly into me. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back as he taunted me, “I love it when they fight.”
I screamed at the top of my lungs as I tried to fight him off, struggling against his brutal advance. His strength overpowered me, and I was pinned beneath his weight, defenseless and completely at his mercy.
My mind blanked out with pain as he sliced open a wound deeper than any I had ever felt before. My body convulsed and shook while my insides burned from his violent penetration.
Desperate for release, he thrust faster and faster, trying to come before I could fight him off. Grunting loudly with each stroke, he dug his nails into my shoulder and neck, drawing blood. His movements became more and more erratic, and I knew his control was slipping away.
Finally, he came with one last powerful thrust and collapsed onto my body, his full weight pressing against my sore and battered frame. “Your cunt felt so good,” he muttered into my ear before slipping off me and zipping his trousers.
Utterly defeated and numb from the experience, I curled up into a ball, tears streaming from my eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder and opened my eyes slightly to see him towering over me, gaze filled with drunken bliss.
At that moment, I knew my life had changed forever. I had been violated and degraded in a way that I would never forget. Rage unlike anything I’d ever felt before filled me. He’d taken my body. My safety. My personal, vulnerable existence.
I crawled closer to him, noting my knife tucked in the corner of the tent. If only it had been within reach. Maybe I could have stopped this before . . .
“You want more, baby? Whores always want more. I could split your pussy in half and—”
I grabbed the knife and sliced at his thigh. It wasn’t deep enough to really wound him but gave me the chance I needed to escape.
He roared in pain and surprise as he stumbled backward away from me. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I rolled out of the tent. As I ran toward the horses, the man stumbled after me, but he couldn’t keep up with my speed. “You’re fucking dead,” he screamed.
My heart pounded in my chest like a wild, frantic drumbeat as I leaped onto the horse, my pulse racing in sync with the urgency of my thoughts. The rough, coarse hair of the animal scratched against my naked skin. But the coldness of the night air against my exposed body paled in comparison to the chilling terror that gripped me, gnawing at my very soul with its merciless fangs.
The lingering sensation of lube from the condom oozed slowly down my leg, the sticky residue a chilling reminder of the horrors that had transpired just moments before. The splatters of blood on my arm were still warm, their metallic tang mingling with the acrid sweat that coated my skin. I tried to shake the memories from my mind, but they clung to me like a parasite, feeding off my fear and despair.
I drove my heels into the horse’s sides, urging her to go faster, to carry me away from this nightmare. My breath came in ragged gasps as the powerful animal surged beneath me, her muscles rippling with every stride. My thighs clenched against the horse’s sides, each hoofbeat sending a jolt of pain through my bruised and battered body. The wind roared in my ears, drowning out the screams that chimed in my mind.
Miles of desolate terrain stretched before us, an endless expanse of dirt and rock that seemed to swallow up the night. The darkness was a suffocating shroud, pressing in on me from all sides, threatening to smother the last remnants of my sanity. I could feel the anguish building within me, a boiling pot of fear and pain that threatened to overflow.
And then, as if to mock my torment, the first rays of the sun began to break over the horizon, bathing the barren landscape in a wash of warm golden light. The beauty of the sunrise was a cruel juxtaposition to the terror that had consumed me, and the sight of it brought fresh tears to my eyes.
The salty tears stung as they streamed down my cheeks, carving rivulets through the grime that coated my face. I choked on a sob, the sound lost in the howling wind, as the weight of my ordeal threatened to crush me. The golden light of dawn offered no solace, no relief from the torment that haunted me.
And yet, I clung to the faintest glimmer of hope that the sun’s ascent might also mean my salvation. That it might guide me to safety, to a place where I could outrun the terror that had chased me through the darkness. But for now, I had no choice but to forge ahead, each galloping stride taking me further from what happened to me and closer to an uncertain future.
* * *
I rode until I spotted Declan’s RV in the distance, and a flicker of hope ignited within me. I urged my horse on, my vision blurred by the tears streaming down my face. My body ached from the ordeal I had just endured, and fear clung to me like a second skin.
As I reached the RV, I dismounted and stumbled toward the door in a daze, my legs barely able to support my weight. I knocked on the door, my sobs coming in ragged gasps as I waited.
The door swung open, and Declan’s concerned eyes met mine. He looked at my tears, my nakedness, the bruises on my thighs. His eyes drank it all in, and he pulled me close to him, his strong arms surrounding me with a sense of safety and security that I hadn’t felt for what seemed like an eternity. The warmth of his embrace gradually thawed the icy fear that had encased my heart, sending a wave of peace through me that I hadn’t known was possible.
“Who hurt you?” he demanded, his voice low.
I could barely choke out the words as I leaned against Declan’s sturdy frame for support. “I-I led a trail ride, and one of the riders . . . he . . . he . . .” My voice trembled as I spoke, the memory of the attack still vivid and raw.
Declan’s eyes blazed with a fierce, primal fury. It was like his protective instincts kicked into overdrive, as if some ancient alpha energy had awakened within him. He held me tighter, his growl reverberating through his chest. “Did he touch you?”
I nodded, too emotional to say the words out loud.
“Rape,” I whispered, the word feeling like a heavy, bitter sore on my tongue. It was such a disgusting word, one that I’d always thought of as an abstract concept, something terrible and awful that had happened tootherpeople but never to me. Saying it out loud felt like defeat, like admitting that I had been violated in the most intimate and brutal way possible.
I was struggling to make sense of what had happened to me and to come to terms with the fact that my sense of safety had been shattered.
It was foreign and raw, wrong and intimate all at once. My mind raced as I tried to come to terms with the fact that some monster had done this to me. I didn’t want him to touch me, to leave his mark on me, but he had forced himself upon me regardless. The shame and fear threatened to overwhelm me, but Declan’s unwavering presence kept me anchored in the present.
