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He made a noncommittal noise.
“That…I like the idea of the pain, followed by the release.”
“But you don’t want to be caned,” he said.
“No.”
“And that’s fine, I just want to clarify why, not so I can judge, but so I can understand how you need to submit.”
“I like the idea of a top wanting to do something that intense is…” She didn’t realize she’d started to close her thighs, instinctively trying to squeeze her legs together, until he stopped the move.
“No, leave your legs spread. I want you to get used to exposing yourself, and being vulnerable for me.”
Josslyn let her leg drop open. “Yes, Sir.”
“From the way you describe it—‘heat’ and ‘release’ it’s clear that you are masochistic. Not all submissives are, and by no means is it necessary, but I would classify you as one.” Master Ben shifted to look at her face. “Does that upset you if I say that?”
“No. I just…I didn’t think I had a right to label myself that.”
“You can be a masochist and still have limits. You don’t need to automatically want a hundred swats with a sadistick to be allowed to use the term.”
Josslyn laughed softly.
“I wonder if you say you don’t want to be caned, and specifically mention the aftermath, because some part of you is afraid not of the caning itself, but that your Dom either won’t use it correctly, or won’t take care of you afterward.”
That was an uncomfortably correct observation, so she sidestepped it.
“I’m sure all the Doms at Las Palmas know what they’re doing.”
“I’m betting that the sound of a caning makes you panic because it can be very loud, loud enough to drown out anything the sub is saying. I think that you’re worried your Dom won’t hear you. That you’d have to scream to get them to stop.”
Josslyn froze.
“And I think you worry about the marks a cane leaves because deep down, you’re sure that no Dom will give you the kind of aftercare necessary with that level of impact play. And that if you ask for more aftercare than they were planning to give, they’ll turn away from you. You carried your worry about asking too much of your husband forward with you.”
“Can I…can I get up for a minute?” Josslyn’s heart was hammering against her ribs.
“No, Josslyn.” The words were soft, almost kind, but firm. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I just…I submit.”
“I’m not debating that.”
“Aren’t you?” She twisted on his lap to face him. Her heart was hammering against her ribs, and she couldn’t decide if the feeling ripping through her was panic or anger. “Because what you’re saying is that I don’t trust my tops, my partners. Because if I did, I’d let them cane me.”
Master Ben said nothing.
“I do trust them,” she insisted. “And I do submit. You said you think I haven’t truly submitted, but I do.”
“I said I think you haven’t submitted fully.”
“I don’t know why I told you about Mike. I don’t normally share that, but it’s given you the wrong impression.”
“I don’t think it has.” He was calm and collected, one hand still pressed gently against her back while the other gripped the inside of her knee, forcing her thighs apart even as she twisted on his lap.
“You think I’m not a good submissive!”
“I didn’t say that.”
