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“Tell me about yourself, Josslyn.”
Josslyn opened her mouth, then closed it. She’d never had a Dom give that order before, essentially asking a very open-ended question.
“I’ve been a member of Las Palmas for almost two years,” she said slowly, feeling her way through the words. “I met Master Mikel at a munch hosted by a mutual friend. We scened together a few times, and after a couple of months, he told me about Las Palmas, and invited me to apply.”
“Have you updated your checklist since then?” Master Ben asked.
“No, Sir.”
When members joined, in addition to signing comprehensive contracts with layers of NDAs, privacy, and communication clauses, they filled out a checklist. The checklist was an almost comprehensive list of BDSM activities and tools. For each item, there were three options: “Yes,” “No,” and “Willing to Try.”
Tastes and kinks changed, so members were welcome to update their list at any time. In theory, Doms and Masters would read through a submissive’s checklist before approaching them about scening together, and then the scene itself would be negotiated in advance using the checklist to help plan.
In reality, Las Palmas was a private club, so the rules were laxer than in a public space. Partners were picked without prior checklist vetting, and scenes weren’t always fully negotiated in advance.
“Why not?” Master Ben asked.
“I didn’t see the need,” Josslyn answered softly. “I always tell my partners my hard ‘nos’ when they ask.”
“And those haven’t changed?”
“No, Sir.”
“What about your hard ‘yes’ items?”
“Hard yes? Is that…a thing?”
“Isn’t it?” There was another shifting of shadows. She couldn’t see him clearly but thought he’d leaned forward. “If you marked an item as yes, it means it’s something you want. Wholly and without reservation.”
“Or those are things I definitely want to try.”
“No. ‘Willing to try’ is its own category.”
Josslyn’s cheeks heated with mild embarrassment. “I know that. I’m saying that sometimes, at least for me, I marked an item ‘yes’ because I either had done it and enjoyed it, or I definitely wanted to try it.”
“If it’s not an item you definitely know is a yes, why wouldn’t you mark it as ‘willing to try’?”
It felt like she was being cross-examined. “Because then my Dom might skip it,” she said in exasperation. “Sometimes even saying ‘yes, I want to try this’ isn’t enough. So, saying ‘maybe’ almost guarantees you never get it.”
Master Ben murmured something to himself. It sounded like “shit” but she couldn’t be sure.
Josslyn swallowed and bowed her head submissively, worried she’d fucked this up, and now she wouldn’t get anything.
After a few painfully long minutes, Master Ben finally spoke. “There are things on your list that you marked ‘yes,’ but you don’t actually know if you’ll like them because you’ve never done them?”
“Correct, Sir.”
“So, it’s possible we’ll start something and you’ll end up safe-wording.”
Josslyn shifted her weight from knee to knee, her heels digging into her butt. “Is that…bad? Is using a safeword bad?”
“No. Of course not. But if my sub has to use her safeword, it means I’ve miscalculated. I see safewords as a failure on my part.”
“That’s…not fair.”
“Excuse me?” There was a hint of outrage in his voice.
Josslyn kept her head submissively lowered, her voice soft. “It’s not fair, Sir. Either to you or the sub. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re going to feel until you’re in it. Sometimes a thing that felt good before doesn’t feel good anymore.”
