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Interesting. People often underestimated how strong a feeling embarrassment was. If she was genuinely embarrassed, but also not feeling disconnected from the scene, that might mean…
“Josslyn, do you have a degradation kink?”
At that, her eyes lost that dreamy, submissive look.
She stared at him in the mirror. “No, I don’t have a degradation kink. If you call me a stupid slut, or a cum dump, a dirty whore, or a collection of holes, I’ll safeword out of here so fast it will make your head spin.”
Rage tightened his shoulder muscles. Ilias released her hair to grab her shoulder, pulling her up. He banded one arm across her hips, the other around her ribs just under her breasts. Her mostly bare back rested against his chest. He pulled her tighter against him. The hard lines of the suit’s zipper caught on the fabric of his dress shirt.
Josslyn stared at him in the mirror, defiant. It was the first time she looked at him like that, as if she’d rather fight him than submit to him. He was glad for this opportunity to test and adjust the power exchange.
“There is nothing wrong with needing to be degraded,” he began.
“No,” she agreed. “I get that some people are into it. It wasn’t on the checklist, if it had been, it would be one of my hard limits.”
“I see.”
Josslyn swallowed. “And if you need to use those words, or call me those things, then I’m sorry but—”
“Stop, Josslyn.”
Her teeth clacked together as she closed her mouth.
“Thank you for telling how you felt about those types of terms.” He cupped one of her breasts, squeezing hard. “I asked about that particular kink because you admitted you were embarrassed, but then also said you were still green. I thought I might have stumbled onto your degradation or humiliation kink.”
She lowered her lashes. He let her get away with hiding from him, for now. He leaned in, his lips against her ear.
“I was going to coax you through expelling the wand, by telling you what a pretty little slut you are.”
She twitched in his arms.
“I appreciate that we’re having this conversation, so now I know not to use the s-word to refer to you.”
Her fingers were curled, nails pressed into the edge of her thumbs. “Relax your hands,” he ordered.
She took a deep breath. “It’s hard for a woman to have both a high sex drive and be kinky. Society acts like they want women to be openly sexual, but when we are, we’re a…”
“A burden?” he said softly.
“Yes. And worse. We’re somehow base and disgusting. As if by wanting sex, we don’t deserve to be treated with respect. We’re stripped of our humanity.”
Ilias wanted to deny it, to say that wasn’t true, because he wanted to believe people were better than they were. But he wouldn’t deny her lived experience.
“It’s one of the reasons I only play at the club,” she whispered. “I never have to see you, or talk to you, out in the vanilla world.”
Ilias raised his brows. “I know I’m a bit of an ass, but I’m not that bad…”
She smiled, as he intended, but it was short-lived. “That means I don’t have to see you look at me with contempt, or that sneer that guys sometimes get. I don’t have to worry that you’re calling me a whore in your head while we’re eating tacos.”
He wanted to unpack everything she just said, both because he thought there was more to this story—possibly a specific incident—and because she deserved to hear confirmation that no matter how much sex she wanted, or what that sex looked like, she wasn’t a slut.
But now was not the time. She still wore the rubber suit, and even with the latex material acting as insulation, he could feel her body heat against his arms, plus the heat of her bare back against his chest.
“I promise you I will not use the word slut, or anything degrading.” He stopped to double-check what he just said. “Anything I understand to be degrading, though I’m acknowledging that later we need to have a conversation to clearly outline those parameters.”
“But see,” she said. “That’s the problem. When you called me a pretty slut, it didn’t feel like an insult.”
“So perhaps it’s more to do with the adjectives. No one enjoys being called stupid.”
