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“Good.” She starts to leave and then turns. “Not a word to Isla or Duncan.I will make sure you are properly attired, and we shall devise an excuse for you to be out of the house.”
A week later, I am climbing into Annis’s coach, after slipping out and walking a mile to meet up with her. I sit beside her, and she says nothing. We start toward the prison, and she says nothing. Then, when we slow for traffic congestion, she says, “You must think me a fool.”
“No,” I say carefully. “You fell in love. The sort of love you never expected to be reciprocated, and when it was…” I shrug. “It was overwhelming.”
“Overwhelming,” she murmurs. “Yes, that is the word. Sarah arrived in my life at precisely the right time, as I was realizing I had no interest in men. We became friends. Unlikely friends, to most, but I was not only dazzled by her beauty but utterly fascinated by what lay beneath it. Her cunning. Her ferocity. Even her cruelty. I had my own capacity for callousness, but hers was another thing altogether, and even when I was the victim of it, I was bedazzled. And it is not as if I saw it often. To me, she was what you saw—sweet and considerate and caring… unless I crossed her.”
“So you learned not to cross her.”
She nods and finally turns my way. “When we were young, we had a dream. A dream where I would inherit the family business, and we would live together as spinster friends.”
“But you didn’t inherit the business.”
Her mouth twists. “I did not. That was made abundantly clear to me years before our father died. I knew Lachlan would refuse it, and so I had presumed I would be next in line. Isla had no interest and the circumstances of Duncan’s birth would surely make such a thing impossible. An intelligent woman who understood the business andwantedit had to be a better choice than the bastard, half-caste son who did neither.”
I tense.
She makes a face. “I offend you with my language. I do not think of Duncan that way, whatever you may believe. I only parrot how the world sees him, and so surely I would be a better heir than that.”
“Your father disagreed.”
“I found out that it would pass to Duncan if Lachlan refused. Still, I had a plan. I would go into business for myself. Sarah and I would be asany middle-class couple, with me playing the role of the man, working to support a household led by her.”
“So what happened?”
Her mouth twists. “I discovered that Sarah did not share the dream the way I thought she did, as least not if it didn’t come with my family’s money. When Gordon took an interest in me, she played matchmaker behind my back. She begged me to marry him. If I played the role of wife, she would stay on as my companion and all would be well. I hated the idea, but I loved her, and so I agreed.” Her mouth tightens. “Then I found them in bed together.”
I make a noise under my breath.
“Yes,” she says. “I do not know how much you understand Sapphic women, but there are some who are only attracted to other women and some who are attracted to both men and women. On first seeing them together, I thought Sarah must be the latter, and I felt terrible for not recognizing she might have other needs. But in the few moments I dared watch, I realized something else, too. I realized…” Her voice cracks, just a little. “Her reciprocation of my desire was simply a mirror reflecting back what I wanted to see. She wished me to feign carnal attraction to Gordon, in order to win us an improved position in life, and that was exactly what she had done with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
She continues as if she didn’t hear me. “Rather than confront her, I tested her by saying that I did not think we should continue as lovers after my marriage, as it would be unsafe. She expressed two heartbeats of regret before embracing the idea.” A twist of her lips. “She even offered to perform my marital duties for me—as repugnant as that would be to her—if it helped my situation.”
I shake my head.
“That had been her plan all along, I think,” she says. “Convince me to marry a wealthy lord and then take my place in his bed while convincing me it was best if we remained platonic friends. All the benefits of a highborn marriage with none of the responsibilities. I might have been foolish, but I was not a fool, and I would not let her treat me as one. I informed her that once I married, she would require her own lodgings and her own income. She threatened to leave. I did not stop her.”
“And you were blamed for driving her off.”
“She is very good at manipulating blame in my direction while pretending to be staunchly at my side.”
“Yet you allowed her back into your life.”
“That is the most humiliating part. Sarah has tried to reconcile with me for years. Every time her fortunes took a tumble, I would get a very pretty letter, begging for reprieve. I would respond with a check, no note attached. A couple of months ago, when I was having difficulties of my own and much in need of a friend, she showed up at my doorstep. I had long ago forgiven her for seducing me. After all, women feign interest in men all the time to better their positions. I kept her away because I feared what other damage she might do, but she returned so cowed and contrite that I decided I would allow a renewed friendship. Only friendship. Then Gordon fell ill and…”
“You needed someone, and she was there.”
Another twist of her lips. “My staunchest supporter.”
We’ve reached the prison gates. Annis’s lawyer is there to greet us. He doesn’t try to dissuade her. He obviously knows better. As we walk, he only explains what will happen, and Annis nods absently.
The night I passed through time, I’d jogged by the “shadow of the gibbet” in the modern-day Grassmarket district, and I’d reflected on that haunting reminder. It’s only been a handful of years since executions became private. Now they’re held here, at Calton Jail, in a cell constructed for the purpose. That’s where Annis’s lawyer takes us.
There are maybe a half-dozen people clustered there, and everyone except us seems to be attending in some official capacity.
“Does Sarah not have family?” I whisper.
