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“That’s my dirty-minded little mate,” I whispered, kissing her hair before leaning across the bed to retrieve the broken chime once again.
The spot on my chest where I had carved the small ball of energy to form Precious ached. I wasn’t sure why, but I pressed the chime to it, murmuring the name I had given her before Feather had renamed her.
“Maker of All Things, I ask you now to keep Your eye on my daughter, the one who was once Spark of Infinite Love,” I said softly. “Who became Precious, Perfect Devil, Little Glitter, shiny, and lovely, and stubborn. First and Only of her Kind; Beloved by All Realms; Guarded by the Great Gate, who was known as Revelation of Divine Mysteries—”
Before I finished speaking, the chime rang in my hand. But not with a single note, as it should. Instead, it sang out a chord, six notes that I had never heard together before, that filled me with both hope and despair.
What did it mean? I stared down at the flecks of glitter that now lay on my palm, winking as if they were waiting for me to glimpse some cosmic pattern in the ruined tool.
All will be well, dear friend,Seraphiel sent, stilling my panic, though I knew he was still across the Limen.All will be well.
“Pies,” my sleeping mate agreed, stuffing the corner of the sheet into her mouth and chewing as she dreamed. “All will be pies.”
CHAPTER11
Precious
Spark. Spark. Come play.
Leave me alone, Void Boy,I thought back.I’m not in the mood.
Ugh. Even my thoughts sounded whiny, like I’d been crying in my mind for hours. Sure, I had been. But I knew tears never helped anything.
What helped waspower.
I placed a hand on my chest, where I could almost feel the well of energy inside me that had been growing fast over the past month. Dad had thought he was punishing me by making me apprentice for him. But learning to make and name things had been one of my deepest dreams forever.
The true punishment had been taking Shadow away. Removing the only creature who truly understood me, who saw all the parts of me, and still loved me. I suppose, if I’d told them he wasn’t just my dog, and my best friend, but also the reason I didn’t hurt all the time, that his presence muted the endless pain that had been growing for the past few years, like some part of me was infected, withering inside—
“Ah!” I clutched a hand to the gap in my wing that seared with a blaze of agony for a moment.
“Woof?”
Shadow?I thought, then felt him on the other side of the wall of my bedroom. I knew my parents were all at the new sex club. Everyone was there, other than me. Evenhim. Perception, who I had loved, but now hated. He’d turned mean, his thoughts broadcast every time I was anywhere close to him.
I couldn’t believe I’d wanted him. Loved him. I knew everyone else, besides my family, thought I was tainted. But Perception was supposed to be able to see clearly, to perceive the good… and the way I’d felt about him had been pure.
But the moment I’d tried to show him my thoughts, my soul, he’d wrenched himself away, and before he slammed his mental walls down, I’d caught a flash of horror in his mind.
And then I’d heard what he’d said about me to my dad, when they thought they were alone in the Merge. Well, sort of heard it. Adoration had been creeping around, skulking like she did, hoping to catch Perception alone. She had such a weak mind, with hardly any mental defenses, she’d never even noticed me listening in as she lingered at the back door of the hall.
I wished I hadn’t eavesdropped, afterward. His condemnation still echoed in my nightmares.
“Nothing is safe from her these days, is it? She’s a Celestial wrecking ball.”
What was the big deal? I’d only kissed him once, and I’d stopped when he told me no. I mean, I hadn’t tried to merge with him or anything. Even if it had felt for a split second like something had happened. Like I’d seen into his soul, and shown him a little bit of mine.
Was that why he hated me now? Had I somehow damaged him?
My mom’s awkward sexplanations echoed in my memories, and I wished I could ask her about it. Talk to someone, at least, about whether or not I’d hurt him somehow. I’d never wanted to do that.
He’d called me a wrecking ball. Maybe I was one. Maybe I couldn’t do anything other than ruin everything.
At first, I’d been embarrassed. Humiliated. But now, mostly, I felt rage. That was easier, anyway. I knew how to deal with anger, and use it to make myself stronger.
Hate was simple, and Perception was so easy to hate now. I’d tried to apologize, but he’d shouted for me to leave his presence the few times I’d been able to get close.
He’d made sure I saw him holding hands with Adoration.
