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His mouth thinned as he surveyed my face. “I was retrieved from my cell the morning of your wedding to Kauvras. I was brought to sit among the crowd.” My eyes widened. He’d been there that day? “Even bound to Castemont’s will, the part of me that was left could see the fear on your face. It was hidden by the sheer will to survive, but it was there. I could feel the tug of the blood sacrifice on me as I moved, and as always, I had no control. The soldier seated in front of me had a bow slung across his back, and in one swift motion, it was in my grip, an arrow pointed straight for you where you stood at the altar.
“But at the last second,” his eyes narrowed, turning almost wistful, “I was able to adjust, to shift my view ever so slightly, somehow.Me,not the body that Castemont controlled. I was able to peek through the darkness just enough, for one tiny moment of control. So I released, and hit my target. Kauvras.”
My stomach bottomed out at his words and it was all I could do not to fall to the ground in shock. “You?”
“Through all of this, Petra, Castemont said over and over that by no means could we let you secure an army. He said that if you managed to secure an army, his mission would be at stake because you’d have the protection of not only your powers, but also legions of soldiers who’d die for you. I knew that by killing Kauvras, you’d have a shot at taking over his army. But I didn’t kill him, and you still managed to do it.”
“Why wouldn’t Castemont kill me himself? He had more than his fair share of chances.”
“He couldn’t. I don’t know why. He just told me he couldn’t be the one to do it.”
“And yourbrothers?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know who they were. Castemont assembled the Board with no explanation.”
My face betrayed a million different shades of confusion and anger and hurt, and I made no attempt to hide it. Cal must have been watching from the campsite because suddenly he was there, Miles close behind. “I’m here. What do you need?” Cal asked with a hand on my back, voice low in my ear as his eyes shot daggers at Ludovicus.
Remorse hung dense in the air like fog. I couldn’t help but breathe it in, feel it resonate within me. I could tell Cal to kill him and he would do so gladly. I could tell Cal all of the terrible things he did to me, tell him to make Ludovicus confess to the other atrocities he’d committed but hadn’t specified. But I didn’t, because he hadn’t been the one to commit them. Not really.
An act he did commit, however, was giving me a chance to escape from Taitha and assemble an army in the process.
“He shot the arrow at Kauvras.”
Ludovicus had been the catalyst behind everything that had happened since that day. Ludovicus was the reason I hadn’t sealed my marriage to Kauvras. Ludovicus was the reason I had an army.
“Kill me, your Majesty,” he said quietly, repeating the same request he’d made in Blindbarrow, his eyes still locked on me. “I can confess my sins a thousand times and never feel clean. I have no wish to live with myself a moment longer.”
Miles shifted where he stood, and though Cal still stared down at Ludovicus with vitriol, I knew he, too, was conflicted.
I squared my shoulders, willing my mind to go quiet. I only wished to consider this moment, this single moment of realization and redemption. Killing Ludovicus, taking his life with my bare hands would heal the wound he’d ripped through me. But it would leave a new one in its place, a wound that I’d never be able to heal, even if my powers were one day restored.
“If you wish to die,” I said through a tight jaw, “you can give your life for me tomorrow in the battle to take Castemont’s life.”
His eyes closed for a moment but opened again, clear and intentional. “With honor, your Majesty.”
I nodded, backing away and turning toward the campsite. “Untie him,” I called without looking behind me, knowing one of the Myrin brothers would see to the task. “But the moment he tries anything, kill him.”
Chapter 46
Eserene’s walls were just a speck on the horizon across the plains. But I felt their pull, could almost hear Castemont’s laugh echoing from behind them.
The smile on Nell’s face as she descended the final hill of the Onyx Pass alongside Whit burst through me, knowing I would soon strike it from her the moment I told her my powers were gone. Summercut rode just behind them, a banner rippling through the air above him, held just as tall and proud as he sat. It was a deep red, the color of freshly spilled blood, with a half-sun, half-moon emblem stitched in glittering gold. Below the moon was a snake, and above the sun flew a driva, the entire sight exuding a fearsome power.
My crest.
And behind the banner came the army, dozens of men and women cresting the hill every second, some on foot, some on horseback. My smile faded as I watched them inch closer and closer, my mind nagging on the fact that each soldier that marched toward me was a life I was indirectly going to take. Each soldier that marched toward me was blood on my hands. I did my best to look like everything was fine, like everything was going according to plan. But on the inside I was floundering, and I knew Cal and Miles were also floundering internally where they stood beside me.
“All the old soldiers at the pub always tell stories about thenight before the battle,” Nell called as she approached, giving a satisfied sigh. “Never thought I’d get to be a part of one.”
I forged another smile. “What do they say?”
“That half the soldiers live like it’s their last night alive. And the other half pray like it’s their last night alive.” She dismounted, folding me in a hug and giving me another beaming smile.
Whit let out a laugh as he landed on the ground. “I can guess which party you’ll be a part of.”
“The latter are probably the ones doing the right thing. But the former have more fun. Feasting, fighting, and fucking, they say.”
“I’m in,” Whit chimed then turned to Cal. “But before that, I believe I have something of yours.” He reached to where I realized he had a second sword sheathed at his hip, handing the blade to the Invisible King.
