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His lips were pursed as he looked at me and nodded. “My wife, Averyn, and our daughter, Miri.” I heard him take a controlled inhale as if he were fighting back the urge to scream out in agony. “I wanted to provide for my family. I’d just joined the military when Kauvras discovered the effects of leechthorn. I didn’t know what he was planning to do with it, of course. Before he set out on his conquest, he tested it on the poor of Taitha.” I watched him chew the inside of his cheek, trying to maintain his composure. “I curse myself everyday for leaving them.”
My chest caved in as he said their names, his tone rife with anguish. He was in mourning, even though they were still alive. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I am, too.” He ran his tongue over his teeth. “Miri would be fifteen now, if she’s still alive.” I felt the ache in my gut as I looked at him, a physically painful, unrelenting throb. “I understand why you don’t want to do this. I don’t want you to, either, and none of the soldiers you see here want you to. They’ve lost family members, too. But, unfortunately,” he continued, and I detected the slightest waver in his voice, “it’s the only option.”
I thought of Miles, if anyone he loved had fallen victim to leechthorn. And I thought of myself, of all the people I’d lost. Not to leechthorn, but to the dark cloud that seemed to follow me everywhere I went. This pain… It was enough proof for me that Castemont was indeed Noros, Saint of Pain. I couldn’t let him win.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I understand. I’ll do it.”
“This way, they can die with dignity,” he murmured, and though he stood in front of me, I could tell he was far away, in another life, perhaps.
Chapter 8
Smoke billowed into the darkening sky as I watched the sea of leechthorn sway. The Outpost was abuzz with activity at my back.
No one had spoken to me since my conversation with Summercut, and I was glad they hadn’t. His words hadn’t left my head.
“Doing okay?” I heard a light voice chime from behind me.
I didn’t respond as Nell lowered herself to sit next to me. She exhaled, popping the cork from a flask and taking a swig before offering it to me. I took as big a gulp as I could fit in my mouth, the burning liquid making my eyes water. It reminded me of the day I sat at the waterfront with Castemont. The day I told him that yes, he could marry my mother. Yes, we’d move to the castle.
What a Saints damned mistake.
“They’re all talking about it, you know,” she muttered. “The plan. That you’re going toeliminatethe Vacants.”
My teeth instinctually ground together. I sat silently beside her.
“Petra, they’re already gone. It would be a mercy to them.”
“I know,” I breathed, reaching for the flask again and taking another swig.
She cleared her throat. “So, Lieutenant Miles Landgrave,” she stated, fictitious pomp in her tone as she changed the subject. “What’s his deal? He seems like a dick.”
“I can’t get a read on him,” I huffed. “One minute he’s complimenting me and the next he’s snapping at me.” I swallowed back anger, tamping down the flames threatening to rise in my chest.
“He definitely cares for you, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
I scoffed. “He handed me over to Kauvras so he could getanswers.” My eyes rolled in my head at the thought. “He doesn’t care for me, Nell.”
She let out a low hum. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Though I guess I can’t say for certain since I can’t see the way he looks at you from behind that mask.”
“I can guarantee he doesn’t care about me. Any time he touches me…” I shuddered. “I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.”
“Huh.”
I let Nell’s words about his hidden face sit in my mind. “Why wouldn’t he want to take off the mask?”
She grabbed the flask back from me, tipping it to her lips. “A lot of the guys who deal with the Vacants won’t take their masks off for shit. My guess is because he’s ashamed. Doesn’t want people to see who he is because he can’t face it. Either that or he’s ugly.”
A laugh escaped me, but silence quickly settled over the two of us again as smoke swirled through the night sky.
“Kauvras has preached about you for years,” Nell said suddenly, a thumb running circles around the rim of her flask. “He promised us that the prophesied Daughter of Katia was coming. Told us he was going to use her to ascend to Sainthood to even the power between Benevolence and Blood.” Her gaze was distant on the city. “He’d always say we were on the right side of history as his supporters.”
“You support him?”
“Fuck no,” she laughed. “But what was I going to do? Women aren’t allowed in the military, but it was three meals a day and a roof to sleep under. So I snuck around a bit, made sure I looked the part, and did what I had to do to survive.”
The words resonated with me instantly. I pushed the toe of my boot in the dirt, remembering everything I did in Inkwell to ensure my family survived. “And did you believe him? Did you believe the Daughter of Katia was coming?”
