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The way that I handled it was cowardly, I know, but I was so consumed by my own pain and fear that I wanted to spare both of us from that conversation. And while I knew for a long time that I hadn’t gotten over her, I assumed Carol had. I assumed her feelings for me were not that deep, that she was too young, and that it would be just another breakup for her, my tactless exit from her life causing only anger.
“And then what happened?” Carol snaps me out of my thoughts. Her lips tremble a bit before she presses them together, but she does not avert her gaze.
“Exactly what happens to marriages that start off for bad reasons.” There’s no reason to be self-pitying here. Besides, I’m actually grateful Jane left me.
Carol does not press more on that topic. Or anything else. Her expression is calm again, but those deep blue eyes look almost black. “Thank you, Brian,” she says as she stands up. “I needed this closure.”
She turns around ready to leave and instinctively I reach out and grab her arm. This can’t be the end of it—of us. “What about the wedding?”
Carol flashes a smile and points at where the party is going full blast. “Exactly. I’ve got a date to find.”
“Let’s go together. Your parents know about me. It’ll be more believable.” I have no right to be jealous but just the memory of her and that guy at the restaurant stirs a fire within me.
“Brian, my parents expected to see you once and you— I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, just because I understand why you did what you did doesn’t mean I forgive you. And I’d much rather keep this whole date thing professional. I don’t think that’s possible for us.”
She makes another attempt to leave but I don’t let go. My face is inches away from hers, I can just lean down and kiss those full lips. I don’t attempt it though. She’s hurt and I just got the chance to speak to her again. If I rush this, if I cross the line, I might scare her away. But more than that, I want to savor her—a rushed kiss won’t satisfy my hunger.
Carol raises her head just a little and tilts it to the side, her lips half open. I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her close to me until her body is pressed against mine. With the other, I caress her naked back, my fingers burning at the contact. A moan escapes my lips as she shivers.
She puts both hands on my chest, her nails pressing against my skin over my shirt. Carol moves her head closer, her lips barely touching mine, and whispers in my ear, “This is exactly what I meant.” With a soft chuckle, she pulls away, leaving me hard and bruised.
Fair enough. Things can’t get back to how they were just like that.
I sit down again and give myself a few minutes before I return to the party. And when I do, Carol has already gotten over our conversation.
She’s on the dancefloor with another man, her tight-fitting dress accentuating her every move. The guy’s got both hands on her waist and pulls her to him so that her bare back presses against him. Lucky for him, the song ends before I can intervene.
Carol mingles with the crowd, laughing at whatever Rose is telling her now, and I find a distant bench to have a better view of the whole place.
I have no right to be jealous, I remind myself.
But another song starts and she’s back on the dance floor—and I’m on my feet again, ready to claim her.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” The familiar voice startles me.
“When did you get here? I didn’t see you.”
Dennis is sitting on the bench, arms crossed over his chest, a smug expression on his face. His normally messy red hair is combed back, and he’s wearing dark jeans and a plain white shirt, just barely acceptable for the party’s dress code.
“Yeah, I figured that out. Sit down.” He points to the spot beside him. “You are only going to make things worse.”
“I doubt it.”
Carol is dancing with a new partner and looks far more excited than she had been with the previous one. Maybe he’ll be the one…
“Brian you can’t barge into someone’s life and expect things to pick up where you left off. Especially if we consider how you left them.”
I close my eyes, defeated and fully aware that I’m acting like a mindless teenager again, and sink down next to him with a groan.
“If you really want her—and I think you do since you’ve changed color more in five minutes than all the flower arrangements combined—you need to win her over. This date thing—that’s business for her. That’s why she hasn’t found one yet, I mean there are plenty of guys that would jump on—” My death stare interrupts him but it’s not enough for him to let this go. “…that chance. She’s drilling them until they walk away. Treat it like a business deal and she just might be willing to think about it.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You just told me to win her over and then to treat the date as business. I don’t think those two go together.”
“Actually, they do. If you approach this romantically, she’ll back down. She has absolutely no reason to accept that kind of favor from you. But if you offer her a deal, that might just create the necessary distance for you two to get to know each other again.” Dennis opens his arms and moves them downwards as if explaining this to a child. “That doesn’t mean that you’ll definitely become an item again but at least, you’ll be in with a chance.”
I turn to the dance floor again but Carol’s not there. My eyes frantically search for her until they spot her; she’s got her arms around two of her friends and is wearing a bright smile.
Instinctively, I smile too.
