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“Hmm. You seem to get tired pretty quickly since we arrived.” He puts a finger on his chin and another under it, pretending to think really hard.
“You know what, you’re right. I am too tired for this.” I point at my little backpack on the beach bar. “Can you please fetch my bag,Baby?”
He gives me a side-eye but goes to the bar, grabs it, and gently places it in my lap.
“Anything else,Baby?“ he mimics my tone.
Maybe there is more than one way to play this game. He did promise to do anything I ask, after all. “There is actually. I’m in charge of checking the venue preparations,”—I fake another yawn, “and Dad told me they need help with some last-minute decorations, something about the flowers, I’m not sure.”
His eyes narrow but there’s an amused half-smile there too. “Go on.”
“Well, I’m too tired to do it, I’m not sure why…” my voice lingers. I grab the hair tie and pull down my ponytail. “But I know you won’t let me down.” I can’t help but grin at his wide eyes and half-opened mouth.
I’m not sure what kind of leverage I have with my part of the deal, but he walks off to help without a single comment. I see him stop to tell my dad something, and they leave together.
A sharp pain hits me right in the chest and my cheerful mood starts to fade. It could have always been this way if he had just talked to me. Even if he had gone through with the wedding, we might have—
“Where’s your mind at, Honey.”
Damn it, I haven’t heard her use “Honey” in a long time, and I’m not sure I like where this is going.
Mom has her hair down today, her long curls almost straightened by the wind down here. She is wearing shorts and a loose, red silk blouse although I’m sure she’ll change into something more to her taste for lunch.
“I’m stressed about the wedding and the preparations.” I point to where Dad and Brian were just moments ago. “There are some last-minute changes.”
Mom nods her head in understanding. “Now, tell me…what’s actually going on?”
I stare at her, lips pursed, eyes wide, just like when I was little.
“You have been acting irrationally for days, and don’t bother with your flimsy excuses, Carol. What’s going on with Brian?”
I take a breath so deep that my lungs hurt. There’s no way I’m admitting the thing with Brian, I’d never hear the end of it. But…there are so many things going on, I can just pick something else. “I quit my job,” I blurt out.
Mom takes a step back, clearly not expecting to hear that. “Is that why you finally decided to use your vacation?”
When I first told her I took two weeks off she was certain I had lost my job—which in a way was correct—but I was quick to put that worry to rest. And now…
I blink a few times to fight the tears. All these lies are starting to get to me. Rose is right, I should start doing the things I want to without hiding or explaining everything, and especially without apologizing for them.
When did I even start to be so caught up in what people thought of me? It wasn’t after Brian. No matter how embarrassed I was, I pulled through that. And I chose New York specifically for that freedom.
Mom grabs my face and turns it toward her, caressing my hair as she waits for an answer.
“I think I deserve better,” I say at last. “Don’t worry, I’ll find another job soon. But yes, that has me all worked up, I guess.”
Which is a part of the truth, just like everything else.
“And Brian?” she presses.
I look around me as if the answer is somehow visible. “I told you. I wanted closure. And despite what happened, he’s a good guy. I don’t know how this will go…” My voice trails off at the thought, but I know I should prepare her for the imminent breakup. “But I’ve decided to loosen up a bit and enjoy myself. And, please, don’t start about my age.” I point my finger at her chest.
“I wasn’t going to.” Mom looks down with a faint smile. “Besides, I think this time it’ll work out. The way he looks at you… I think you made the right choice this time, Honey.”
She lightly pinches my cheek and goes back to our guests.
The way he looks at me.
It’s too painful to even consider it.
