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Oof Rose, you don’t beat around the bush, do you? “Actually, I think that I’m ready to…we’ve seen each other again since we came back. I’ve had him over a couple of times, going through the documents together, and I think we’re doing well.”
The truth is, I actually don’t know how we are doing. Brian passes by my apartment almost every day, sometimes to chat for a bit, other times to go through the data, and he’s even stayed for dinner. We haven’t had sex since we came back to New York, but our make out sessions each time are as close as it gets to that.
That being said, we are not dating. My feelings for him are very strong, and his seem so too, but there’s something that is still holding me back, something I cannot pinpoint. And that’s why I’ve declined any invitation to go to Brian’s apartment. Daniel will be there, and I don’t want the little boy to get too attached to me, in case this doesn’t work out.
I explain all that to Rose who looks at me with a pensive expression. “The point is, I want to take this very slow.”
“Carol, you want him and he wants you. That nagging feeling is the fear that this relationship might end up like it did in the past. Not to mention that everything else in your life—”
The waiter arrives with her order and interrupts Rose. He sets a big cup in front of her, along with a plate of cookies in the middle for both of us. “Do you need anything else?” he asks.
“Nothing. We’re good,” Rose says and turns her attention back to me, tossing a cookie into her mouth. “My point is that everything is changing and you’re kind of freaking out.”
That feels like an accurate summary of the past few days. From my decision to quit my job and go to the wedding with Brian, to the present, where I almost feel like getting back together with him, I regret nothing. “It still feels like I need to have one more conversation with him, to put all our cards on the table, to see what we both want from now on. But first, I want to finish this project,” I say and lightly tap my laptop.
“I see,” Rose says. “And you said you are almost done?” She shifts on her seat and braces both hands on the table.
“Yes, I’m pretty sure I know what the problem is, though I do want to check one more thing. I still have access to my work account. I think I might put it to good use.” The documents that Brian sent to me were full of concealed information to maintain the anonymity of all the companies involved. It doesn’t really affect my job but I’m pretty sure that if I had a more complete picture, I would be able to double-check it from the source.
“Good. Because the guy went to all this trouble to find you something to do just to get another chance to be with you. It would be a shame to keep him waiting.”
“What do you mean?”
Rose takes a sip of her coffee, then another, and then eats one more cookie before answering. I’m not sure if she does it just to tease me or if she’s debating whether to tell me what she knows. “Brian found something for you to do so that you would accept his proposal. You’ve said it yourself, that company is huge. He could have hired anyone to do this job. And…” she hesitates for a second and avoids looking at me. “Apparently, Brian and Dennis had a conversation when we were at Vanessa’s party, and Dennis suggested a fair deal, a fair trade if you want. And Brian did just that.”
“Dennis set me up?”
“I wouldn’t use those words, after all, he did ask you before handing Brian your number. But yes, Dennis did give some useful advice to someone who needed it. He was convinced from the very beginning that Brian is in love with you. And to be honest, now I am too.”
Under any other circumstances, this revelation would make me furious—being set up like this—but the mention of Brian going to all this trouble to find something for me to do just to be close to me… It feels nice.
Rose reaches out for my hand. “Don’t waste any more time, Carol. You’ve suffered enough with this thing and we both know that no relationship you had after him was in any way satisfactory. I mean, I won’t even comment on Morgan.”
Morgan’s words come to mind again, and I look around the coffee shop, trying to avoid her gaze. The place is not very big, but there are many small, dark red, round tables here, each being used by people like me. Most have laptops open in front of them, and they are half crouched, looking at their screens, experiencing what seemed to me till a few minutes ago like the perfect working environment.
My phone vibrates before I get to respond to Rose’s comment. The screen lights up and Brian’s face appears. It’s almost like we’re connected. Every time I want him, or I need him, he reaches out, one way or another. My lips curl up.
“What’s he saying?” Rose asks. The smile must have spread to the rest of my face, making it clear who the message was from.
“He asks if he can see me now.” Most of the messages he’s sent me start the same way. He asks how I am, and if we can meet, and then, almost as an aside, he mentions that he wants to talk to me about the project. Considering what Rose just told me, that last part is apparently to secure my response.
“And?” Rose leans forward, her eyes so wide they might pop out.
I take a deep breath. If I really want to give this a chance between us, I have to give what I really need from him: honesty. That means telling him about my plan and how I wanted him to suffer just a bit, to make up for what I suffered because of his abandonment. Not that he hasn’t figured that out already.
I start typing my reply to Brian and he responds immediately. “We’ll meet in an hour for lunch,” I inform Rose.
My heart is already beating faster at the thought of making this thing between us somewhat more official.
We finish our coffee and cookies, shifting the conversation to the wedding, Emily, and my mom, who’s finally decided to let me live my life in peace. She even intervened to save me from comments similar to hers after the ceremony.
I’m about to order another cup when Rose grabs her wallet and furiously shakes her head.
“What’s got into you?” I ask.
“We need to get going,” she points out. “You’re not going on a date dressed like that.”
I look down at my white shirt and jeans. “Why not?” There’s that satisfaction again. I know that Brian will like the way I look even if I go like this—no makeup, hair up in a messy bun, and sneakers.
