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Sophie goes on to describe the cities she’s visited with her friends and the other countries she’s been to in the last two months. Apparently, Brian had gifted his mother and her friends a long trip to Europe. I glance at him, his smiling face soft and a bit emotional at his mother’s descriptions. I’m sure this gift meant as much to him as it did for her—something between a reward and compensation for all her worries and hardships, and the years she lost trying to be both his mother and his father.
“What about you, Sweetie? What have you been up to all these years?”
I glance at Brian, curious as to what he’s told her about us. She clearly knows we were together in the past, and that we are seeing each other again, but does she know what happened in between?
“I finished my studies and eventually ended up in New York for work. Nothing really exciting about my life,” I say and feel a bit bad. Has my life really been this boring? No, clearly not, but after hearing about all these places, it pales in comparison.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” Sophie protests and starts to tell me everything her son had been saying about me back then.
As she speaks, Brian heads to the kitchen to make us some coffee, offering his mother and me a little more privacy. I’m deeply touched by her words—his words—and start to realize that Brian truly meant what he said about us back then. He did have feelings for me. He wouldn’t have left if he didn’t absolutely have to. As the conversation shifts to his childhood—what he was like, how he reacted to things, what set him off—I can see that when something hurts him too much, he just buries it deep inside him, like it doesn’t exist. That’s what he had done with his father, and that’s what he did with me.
Even now, his contribution to our conversation is mostly indistinguishable sounds and occasional requests to change the subject.
“Okay, I’ll stop with it, I don’t think any of us wants to remember your teenage years.” Sophie sets her empty cup on the coffee table.
“I do,” I raise my hand but both Brian and his mother shake their heads. “That bad?”
“Let’s just say that I was every teenage drama combined.” He tries to make light of the situation, but I know that every single thing he’s been through has left a deep mark on him.
I reach out and run my hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit before turning my attention to his mother. She’s looking at us with a knowing smile, so warm and welcoming that it makes me feel like family. It was at this moment, I know that every story she chose to tell me was to help me understand him more.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Brian
“Howareyoufeelingtoday?” My mother is half-lying on the couch, her right leg resting on top of a pillow.
“Brian, you don’t have to come here every day. I’m perfectly fine, there’s nothing you can do. Even the doctor said it; my leg is as good as new. The cast will be gone in no time.”
I sit on the edge of the couch, careful not to touch her leg. “You do realize I sent you off to rest and have fun and you have returned like this.”
The doctor had found her perfectly healthy aside from the leg which apparently is fractured, not broken. That doesn’t mean her accident didn’t shake me.
“Brian, I’m fine. This conversation is over. Stop avoiding my questions. Every time I ask you about Carol, you jump from one topic to another. What’s going on? You too seemed very close, I assumed everything going well.”
I haven’t had the opportunity to see Carol since our visit here, but we’ve spoken on the phone. Everything is going well; more than well, actually. We still have a few things to talk through before we can honestly claim we are a couple, but things are heading in the right direction.
“We are doing well. Carol is amazing, and really cares for Daniel,” I assure her.
Mom bursts out laughing. “Brian, please, every time you two looked at each other, you were ready to melt. You think I didn’t notice the glances, the touches or how your every reaction was perfectly synchronized?”
My heart aches at those words. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it came to our relationship and I’m trying not to repeat them.”
“And you’re not?”
My mother is well aware of how I left Carol back then and she also knows about my lie. “I’m going to fix that one.”
“You don’t need to tell me that, you just need to do it, Brian. Carol looks like an amazing woman and she clearly loves you. From what you told me, she also cares deeply about Daniel. Don’t waste any more time, my love.”
“I won’t.” I kiss her forehead and try to change the subject again, resulting in us talking about Daniel and Jane for the next hour.
The conversation about Carol is still on my mind all the time though, that hollow feeling in my stomach always accompanies it. But I know it’s time to have it. Earlier this morning Carol told me she was done with the project, which means the limitation I’d given myself is gone.
Mary arrives shortly after and joins our conversation. Feeling better that I’m not leaving her alone, I head back home to Daniel. Andrew is also there, waiting for me.
“When will you talk to her?” Andrew circles back to Carol after I’ve updated him on her research. “It’s not like you have much time. Her interview is coming up soon.”
“I know, I know. I made sure of that.” I lean back and take a deep breath. “I’ll tell her the next time I see her. She said she’ll call me when she’s ready, so— I’ll tell her then.” Sooner is better than later, but later is better than never. In my case, never isn’t even an option.
