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“I think that would be bad business,” Bodhi shot back. “You can’t turn down that kind of money.”
Ravi’s lip quirked up and he rolled his eyes. “You should go into business management.”
The very thought made Bodhi cringe and he shuddered. “No thank you. But that’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Ravi’s brows shot up, curiosity etched on his face. “Business management?”
Bodhi took a breath to steady himself. Ravi was the ideal Deaf kid who got introduced to the community late but embraced it with both the passion and talent that Bodhi wished he could tap into. He would have given anything to be able to steal some of Ravi’s no-fucks attitude and just temper his anxiety a little bit.
And it would be torture to watch all the people he wanted to connect with fall madly in love with his brother because it would mean yet another group of people who would readily and happily forget he existed. But this wasn’t about him. This was about the café. And about Caleb’s peace of mind.
“Bodhi?” He saw his name sign on his brother’s hands. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re better than me,” Bodhi blurted aloud. He slammed his teeth down on his lower lip and tasted copper. “You sign better than me,” he amended with his hands.
Ravi’s shoulders moved with his heavy sigh, and he leaned all the way back against the wall. “I just sign differently. And I know I made you feel like shit about it because I didn’t understand how it as for you, and I’m so sorry. Trust me, my—somethingsomething—friends mademefeel like shit about it. Which I deserved.”
The signs Ravi made in the middle of his sentence looked like home sign slang, and Bodhi once again felt the icy touch of being left out. “I don’t know what that means,” he said, copying them as best he could.
Ravi spelled it out slowly. “Neuro Spicy.”
Ah. Autistic. Anxious. A brain made of four cats in a trench coat.
Him.
“I’m your twin brother. I should know better,” Ravi said.
Bodhi fought the urge to wrap his arms around his middle and squeeze because it was the only thing that would feel good in the moment, but he needed them to continue this conversation because it all had to be said. “I don’t matter right now.”
Ravi’s face fell into something like sorrow tinged with anger. “Yes, you do. You always matter.”
Bodhi took a short, tight breath. “I need to find help for BrewBiz.”
Ravi’s brows furrowed. “What kind of help?”
“Someone to work there. Until all of this blows over. I thought you might want extra money since you’re saving up for a car.”
Ravi blinked in surprise. “You wantmeto work there? Withyou?”
Bodhi would have laughed if he’d been capable of it in that moment, but all of his emotions felt like they were being trapped behind a glass wall. His brother claimed that he didn’t understand him, but he did. He immediately knew that if he went to work with Bodhi, he’d step into the spotlight and leave Bodhi back in the shadows.
But there was no other viable alternative.
“Please. Caleb needs you.”
Ravi’s brows rose even higher, making his forehead wrinkle. “Doyouwant me there?”
Bodhi shrugged. Contrary to the persistent belief that autistic people couldn’t lie, Bodhi was pretty decent at it. It was because his face wasn’t as expressive all the time that he could feed people a river of bullshit and they’d never know. But for him, most of the time, he just didn’t see the point in not telling the truth.
In this case, though, he didn’t know which answer would be the lie. In spite of the burning resentment he felt for how easy everything came for Ravi, he loved him. He wouldn’t trade him for the world. But he did want something that was just for him. Something Ravi couldn’t take away just by existing.
Now just wasn’t the time to go searching for it.
“We might not be on the same shift,” he signed slowly, his arms feeling suddenly sluggish as the adrenaline from his meltdown fully left his body. He blinked slowly, desperate for sleep. “But I like being around you.”
Ravi’s face morphed into something new, and it took Bodhi far too long to realize his brother was touched. He shifted a bit closer, then reached out very carefully and gripped Bodhi by the arms. He was too tired to fight back, and in the end, it wasn’t necessary. Ravi wasn’t trying to take him anywhere. He just shifted to the end of the mattress, then stood up as he eased Bodhi back against his pillows.
Ravi grabbed the weighted blanket from the end of the bed and laid it on top of him, and the sensation sent sparks of goodness through his limbs.
