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And he couldn’t deny that Cameron had never, ever made him feel like this before.
Bodhi was special. And while Caleb didn’t exactly have faith in the idea of forever, for the first time in a long time, he had hope.
Chapter17
Caleb woke alone.He felt his heart sink toward his stomach as he reached out to feel the cool pillow beside him, his fingers tracing the indent Bodhi had left behind. He knew he should have waited, should have checked in with Bodhi before dropping off, but the intensity of their love-making had stripped all the energy from his bones.
And now, he had only himself to blame.
Swinging his legs over the bed, Caleb began to hunt for his phone when he froze at the sight of Bodhi’s clothes lying on the floor where he’d left them on their path to the bed. The last time Bodhi had taken off, he’d grabbed all of his things—even his soiled bar clothes.
He held his breath, struggling into a pair of boxers as he hurried into the living room and came to a halt at the sight of Bodhi curled up in the corner of his sofa. He was wearing one of Caleb’s over-sized sweaters that hung slightly loose on his tall, thin frame, and a pair of boxers. Bodhi’s laptop was perched on the arm of the couch, and he was typing so intently, he didn’t notice Caleb standing there watching him. It allowed Caleb a moment to breathe easier and recalibrate.
Bodhi hadn’t left.
He hadn’t panicked.
He was still there.
After a long beat, Caleb reached for the light switch on the wall and flicked it up and down. Bodhi’s head snapped up, and then his lips curled into a sleepy smile as he unfolded his legs. His feet were wide and long, and his toes flexed and contracted as they pressed into the hardwood.
“Hi,” Bodhi greeted him, his hand moving more sharply than Caleb’s sleep-heavy ones were capable of.
Caleb grinned and walked over, using a finger to tip Bodhi’s chin up so he could kiss him. He should have brushed his teeth, but Bodhi didn’t seem to care much about morning breath as his lips parted and he allowed Caleb’s tongue to dip into his mouth.
When he pulled back, he glanced at the screen to the word document Bodhi had open. “Homework this early?”
Bodhi’s cheeks darkened so prettily. “I’m behind. I’ve been distracted.”
Caleb’s grin widened and he stroked fingers along Bodhi’s jaw. “Sorry.”
Bodhi just smiled back and shook his head.
Glancing over his shoulder, Caleb’s eyes fixed on his wall clock, then he sighed. He wanted nothing more than to distract Bodhi more. To have them both take a long day off where they could examine whatever this was—to feel his feelings and to bask in just how right it all seemed. But real life was tugging at him, and he knew he couldn’t put Bodhi’s classes at risk.
“Breakfast?”
Bodhi’s nose scrunched up for a second. “Tea? I don’t usually eat a lot in the morning.”
Caleb nodded and stole a last kiss before turning on his heel and heading into the kitchen, and he appreciated the small reprieve so he could deal with the last echo of his worry that Bodhi had actually left him.
It was such an irrational fear considering Bodhi hadn’t actually run from panic before, but it was almost a gift because it was that moment he allowed himself to realize that he was in this. He was falling. Hard. And maybe he was actually ready for to put his heart into Bodhi’s hands.
He trusted him, which was a profound feeling because he wasn’t sure he ever trusted his ex. He felt safe and he felt wanted. He could be himself without compromise, and not just because Bodhi was okay with it, but because Bodhi wanted that for him.
Wrapping one arm around his middle, Caleb watched the gentle movement of the water as it heated, and just before the kettle clicked off, he reached for his cabinet and pulled out two cups. He set them on his tea tray and dropped English Breakfast into each one, then grabbed what was left of his little toasts, the dish of butter, and some creamer pods before walking back into the living room.
Bodhi was where he’d left him, but Caleb’s heart ticked up a notch when he saw a sort of absent expression on Bodhi’s face. He’d pulled his legs up again, and now, he was gently rocking back and forth. Caleb had seen him do this before, but it had been more subtle, and there had been a lot going on around them.
He was still getting to know all the little idiosyncrasies that belonged to his lover, so he wasn’t sure if this was bad rocking, or good rocking. Whatever it was, Caleb set the tray down, then carefully slid next to the other man and waited until he had Bodhi’s attention.
It took a few seconds, but eventually Bodhi’s mouth turned up at the corners. “Tea?”
Caleb nodded, but he didn’t reach for it yet. “Are you okay?”
Bodhi drew his lower lip between his teeth and bit down, rocking gently again, though he kept his attention on Caleb. “I think so.”
“Did something happen?”
