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We finally get the chance to take a break and Smoke’s sultry voice breaks through the buzzing in my ears. “What’s happening with Hunter?”
“It’s slow, but it’s going,” I say.
“Why is it slow?” he asks.
I shrug as I guzzle water and give myself a moment to think of a proper response. Everyone’s asking me questions I don’t have answers to. I’m sick of this confusion.
“I remember having a crush on him, and I remember us as amazing partners. I don’t remember us in a relationship,” I finally say.
He shrugs. “Hey, I’m okay with you being single forever, but the reality is that you’re head over heels for the damn knucklehead. If I was forced at gunpoint to admit it, I’d tell you he’s one of the good guys.” These last words seem like they’re being ripped out of him. It makes me laugh.
“That’s some pretty high praise coming from you,” I tell him.
“Trust me, I know. I hate the idea of you being violated, but if anyone can keep your head out of the clouds, it’s that man,” he says.
His words catch me off guard. For as long as I’ve known Smoke, I’ve never known him to endorse a man. He doesn’t think there’s anyone in this world good enough for me. The fact that he likes Hunter says a lot about the man’s character.
“I guess if he’s that great, he’ll simply have to win me all over again,” I say, a bit of my normal cockiness shining through.
Smoke throws his head back and laughs, a knowing look in his eyes. “That’s the spark I love to see in you, Jazzy. Nothing will ever hold you down for long.”
I smile, feeling more confident than I have since I woke up. It feels good to be exhausted and here with the people I love.
“That’s enough talking, though. Let’s get back to work.” I don’t argue. My fear and uncertainty fades the harder I push myself.
Maybe I don’t remember six months of my life, but I do know exactly who I am, and with support from friends and family, I’ll continue finding myself. Maybe I will fall in love with Hunter all over again... maybe I won’t. But in the end, I’ll accept whatever decision I come to because I believe in myself.
We get back to work and our session grows more intense as grunts and heavy breathing fill the air. Ember’s determination is definitely an equal match to mine... and she’s stronger right now. We push each other to the very limits of our abilities. Sweat pours off of both of us, and my face is likely as red as a ripe tomato.
“You’ve got this, Jazz,” Ember says, delivering a swift roundhouse kick I barely manage to block.
I dodge her attack and counter with a powerful punch, feeling the impact reverberate through my entire body. The rush of adrenaline with each strike I throw makes me more powerful by the minute, even if I’m exhausted.
Smoke continues to circle us, his sharp eyes following our every move, his commands steering us in the right direction. “Keep focused, Jazz. You’re a damn warrior!” he thunders.
His words give me a burst of energy and it zings all through my tired body. It also seems to unlock something in my mind, and I strive to open whatever it is. A sense of purpose surges through my veins. We can’t move any more, and we slow down and start speaking again.
“Is anything coming back?” Ember asks, her voice coming out in pants.
I shake my head, frustration tugging on the edges of my brain. “Nothing substantial. Just tiny fragments here and there that I’m not even sure are real.”
“What’s important will never disappear,” Smoke assures me. “Especially for those who are strong, like you.”
“I love you guys,” I tell them. “I’m so grateful to have you in my life, and so lucky to have all of the support I do. I can’t imagine going through something like this all alone.”
We take some drinks, then start in on round three. Smoke, who normally likes to push, isn’t so sure about going this long and hard, but I insist I’m okay. A renewed determination is swelling within me, and it makes me want to fight harder, to reclaim not only my memories, but the full person I’m capable of being. I move with speed and precision, each strike carrying an unyielding force behind it.
As we begin to wrap up our session, a sense of familiarity creeps in, maybe even an echo from the near past. It whispers at me, urging me to keep pushing, to keep searching for answers. These two at my side give me strength and the power to keep fighting.
I throw a final punch, knowing I’m done. I’ve gotten exactly what I want out of this session. Ember’s panting, but still wearing a smile. We both feel accomplished.
“I love you guys,” I say again. “This has been great. Thanks for always pushing me, and for not treating me like a victim.”
Ember grins. “You will never be called a victim, Jazz. You might get kicked down sometimes, but you’re never weak, and never beaten. We’ll always be in everything together, no matter what.”
“You’re family, Jazz. Nothing else needs to be said,” Smoke replies. This man came into my life because my grandfather put together a special ops team to beat back the bad guys when my grandmother was attacked. We formed a bond, and we are family. It doesn’t matter if he’s dark and I’m light. It doesn’t matter if he’s not blood. We’re bonded, which means we’re family. He leans in and hugs me, and my nose wrinkles. All of us are a sweaty mess, and now our sweat’s mingled. Gross.
I have to blink back tears as emotion fills me, our bond more tightly woven together. I was on the ground for a while, but I’m back on my feet now. We go to the locker room, shower and change, then head to the juice bar. I’m going to consume about five-thousand calories in ten minutes. I’m starving.
