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“I bet we go through it all,” she argues as she reaches over and grabs some chocolate, some popcorn, and puts it all in her sweet mouth. There’s something else I’d like to add to her mouth. I shake my head. Down boy.
“Maybe we need a dog to clean up after us,” I suggest. She looks skeptical.
“I’d consider it if it’s a cute dog,” she tells me.
“I was just kidding, but I’m more than happy to discuss pets. I’ve always wanted to have a dog around,” I tell her, growing more excited as I think about it. I push the phone call to the back of my mind. I don’t want the news to overshadow our night. We’re having a good time, and I want it to continue. I have forty-eight hours to figure things out. There’s no reason to ruin a perfectly good evening.
“Okay, we’ll have to go to a rescue and look around,” she says. “I have no desire for a puppy. I don’t think I’d make it past potty training. Besides an older dog will like me more.”
“I don’t know about that. You’re an active person. If we get an older dog, it won’t be able to keep up with us.”
She waves her hand in the air. “I can slow down when I need to,” she assures me. She then stuffs her mouth again and reaches for the remote. Our talking time is over. She clicks on the movie and immediately gets into the action flick.
I’m sort of glad. I love talking to Jasmine, but I need some time to think about that call and figure out what in the world I’m going to do. I’ll have to talk to her about it tomorrow. We’ve both known from the start that the bubble we’re in can’t last forever.
I slip an arm behind her back, drawing her closer to me. I love how she feels next to me. I bury myself in the fictional world on the screen as I cave and start eating the popcorn and chocolate. Between the action on the TV, and the gooey, salty treat, my stress begins to ebb. I want to cherish these moments and hold them close to me for the times I won’t have them. Inevitably there will be more turbulence and trials coming our way. We’ll weather them though. I have no doubt about it.
I push all of the stress from my mind until the credits roll on the screen, taking away some of my contentment. I close my eyes and prepare for the decision I soon have to make. When I open them again I look at the empty bowl on the table and turn to see Jasmine leaning against the back of the couch, her mouth open, her eyes closed. She’s out. No wonder. We finished the popcorn, along with all of the other food. We’re total gluttons. It’s terrible... yet I have no regrets. I never have regrets when it comes to Jasmine.
I’m well aware though that the ticking clock is counting down how long I have to decide if I’m leaving Jasmine for a while or not. On one hand I don’t want to be away from her side. On the other, I’ve sworn to serve. I’ll soon figure out which duty wins out.
ChapterNineteen
Hunter
I’m sitting alone at the makeshift office I’ve made in the spare room in Jasmine’s condo. It feels like our home together, but I can’t call it mine even though I’ve subleased my place now and live here full time. It’s foolish not to be here when it’s what both of us want. Maybe if we were actually committed, said the words we said before her accident, I’d be more comfortable with it. I’ll have to get over myself. She loves me, even if she isn’t saying it yet. It won’t be much longer. I see it in her eyes.
As I look at the papers spread out before me, my mind is whirling. Will she love me if I leave? Or will she feel betrayed and left behind? I honestly don’t know. All I know for sure is I have a hell of a lot of uncertainty.
This FBI offer looms over me like an ominous shadow. It’s been twelve hours since the phone call. I’ve been up since five in the morning. I went for a jog with Jasmine on the beach, then came back to the condo while she went to the gym with Ember. That girl has been coming back and forth to see the man she met in the club, and to hang with her bestie. It’s good. It gives me time to think.
I’ve been going back and forth all morning on the pros and cons. I even made lists. Sadly, the cons list is outweighing the pro list. Action is on the pro list, and that’s normally all it takes with me. But what about the plans Jasmine and I have made together? I know we were being silly, but the thought of starting a business with her is quite appealing. It would be nice to be completely free to do what we love when we want to do it.
Jasmine is rich, very rich, and I have a lot in savings. We’d be fine for a very long time without bringing money in. It’s not about a paycheck though, it’s about the pride in a job well done. I haven’t had any significant time without working since before I was thirteen years old. I’ve always worked hard, and I plan on doing it for the rest of my life because I love it.
Do I really have to stay with the FBI though? No. Do I want to leave? That’s what I can’t figure out. I’ve written down every possible outcome I can come up with. No matter how much I ponder this, the answer still eludes me, and time is slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.
As the clock continues to tick, my decision becomes unbearable. I need to talk to Jasmine, but I don’t know how to approach her. My mind’s consumed with thoughts of what accepting this job will mean for the rest of our lives. How ridiculous is this? I need to talk to her. I trust her, and she trusts me... for now. She’s not going to keep trusting me if I keep secrets from her.
Just as I’m about to lose my damn mind, the door swings open and Jasmine walks in with a smile on her lips and her skin flushed. Damn, she’s beautiful. I close my notebook and gaze at her, so damn grateful she’s come into my life. I feel better with her simply stepping into the room.
Apparently, though, the apprehension doesn’t leave my face because Jasmine moves closer, her smile fading as she walks toward me.
“Hey, what’s going on?” she asks. “You’ve been acting strange since I went to make popcorn last night. I’m here to listen to you just as you’ve been listening to me for months now,” she assures me, coming straight to me and curling up in my lap. I instantly feel better holding her.
I sigh as I bury my head against her neck. Even after a long workout she smells like flowers and is so damn beautiful it hurts. It’s time to tell her. I don’t know why the words are still choking me up.
“I’ve been wrestling with how to talk to you about something. I don’t know why it’s so hard.”
“You can tell me anything,” she says. Then she pauses and leans back to glare at me. “Unless you want to tell me you’ve had a change of heart and are running off into the sunset with Pixie. If that’s what you want to say I’d run and make a phone call because I might stab you.”
“I’m ninety-nine percent sure your joking, but let me assure you, this has nothing to do with anything other than you and me... and the FBI,” I admit. It’s not wise to joke with a woman threatening to stab you.
“What about the FBI?” she asks, her body relaxing at my reassurance there’s no other woman involved.
“They called me last night and asked me to do a job,” I confess, my voice tinged with uncertainty. “I don’t know if I should go or not. I’ve enjoyed my leave, and I don’t... well, I don’t want to leave you right now.”
Jasmine gives me a long, intense stare, her eyes full of worry and compassion because that’s the woman she is, the woman I’m so in love with. She cups my cheek before leaning in and gently kissing me.
