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Still, I did my job. I answer calls and emails and coordinated with other departments. Work allowed me to focus my mental energy, and I threw myself into it. That made the days easier, at least. But my nights were my own to sit in silence.
Ben spent a few nights at my place trying to cheer me up. I was more grateful to him than I would ever be able to explain. He really was my best friend. We stayed up late watching shitty movies and gorging ourselves with popcorn till we made ourselves sick, 6 A.M. alarm be damned.
Despite his efforts, I must have looked rough. Rich was extra nice to me, which was his way of saying I looked like hell. I appreciated it anyway.
By the time Friday appeared I knew I had to make a choice. Half a year ago before Ben and Oliver finally figured out their feelings, Ben had thought about quitting. He was Oliver’s driver, so he saw him every day. He hadn’t known if he could survive seeing Oliver fall in love with someone else. It had worked out for them, but it had been hard. At the time I couldn’t imagine ever quitting my job, but now I wasn’t so sure. I understood now how he felt then, and I was at a loss.
“Want to go grab something to eat?”
I blinked up at Richard as he pulled me out of a daze. It was lunchtime and I hadn’t even noticed. I shook my head. “I’m not hungry, thanks though.”
He frowned, but didn’t push me. We weren’t friends outside of the office, but I knew we cared for each other in our own ways. I felt bad that I had made him worry.
With Richard gone I was left alone - save for Oliver who was eating in his office while finishing a proposal. Usually I didn’t mind the quiet; it meant I had a chance to catch my breath. But this time it was stifling.
Without thinking I pulled up a new document on my computer and let my fingers handle the rest. I needed to make my choice.
Thirty minutes later I knocked on Oliver’s door.
“Come in.”
I had spent so much time right outside this office, but I’d only gone inside a handful of times. The paper in my right hand was hot, fresh out of the printer. It stung where it touched my skin as though it was made of poison, but I only gripped it tighter.
Oliver smiled when he saw me, but I could see the pity hidden behind it. I hated it. It had been hopeless from the beginning, I knew that now, but he had always been kind to me.
I gave him a weak smile as I took a seat across from him. “Hi,” I said, cringing at my voice.
His lips pressed into a hard line as looked me over. “How are you feeling?”
God, I felt so embarrassed. I cleared my throat, forcing my expression to even out. I set the paper on his desk, smoothing down the non-existent wrinkles.
“What’s this?”
“My letter of resignation.”
His eyes shut. “Rina, you don’t need to do that.”
“I do.” No matter how much air I sucked into my lungs I couldn’t seem to calm down. “This isn’t sustainable, Oli, and it’s not professional.” I almost laughed as I said the word. Nothing about how I’ve acted was professional, and I had dragged them all into it. “I think it’s for the best that Daphne finds a new secretary. I would be happy to transfer somewhere else in the company, or I can start to look for work elsewhere.”
He shook his head. “I don’t have a right to make judgments about professionalism after everything that Ben and I have done,” he winced at the thought, “but that aside, you are good at your job. You can keep up with Daphne, which is more than most of the people we work with. I know you’re in a bad place right now, but I don’t want to see you make a decision you’ll regret.”
This time the smile I gave him was real. “I’m glad that you and Ben ended up together,” I said, and I meant it. “You’re a good one, you know? But I can’t do this. I love her, as crazy as it is, and I want her to be happy. If Donovan makes her happy, then I wish them the best. I just don’t think I can be here and see that happiness every day, knowing that I’m not a part of it.”
Oliver dropped his chin into his hands and stared at my resignation. A single piece of paper managed to fill the room until everything else disappeared.
When Oliver spoke again his voice had changed. It was heavy and tired. “My sister and I have always kept a comfortable distance. We love each other, and we’re able to work together without problems, but we aren’t as close as we could be. It’s no one’s fault, and I’m not blaming anyone, but sometimes I wish things were different. She’s only a few years older, but it’s always felt like a distance I can’t bridge.” He leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair. “Dad never pressured us to take over the company; at least, not that I know of. Some companies are still caught up in the idea of keeping it in the family - like Logan’s. But the decision was left to us.
“I’ve always wanted to work here because I was proud of it. Not the money, or the status, or the name, but because it was something my family built. I want to protect it and see it grow. I think Daphne feels the same, but it’s different for her. She’s always held herself to impossibly high standards at work and in her personal life.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “If this is really what you think is best, I won’t stand in your way. I know we aren’t as close as you are with Ben, but I like you, and I want us to be friends.”
“We are friends.”
He smiled. “Then, as friends, I have a favor to ask you. Before you make the final decision, will you talk to Daphne? Face to face. I think it would be good for you, for the both of you.”
My jaw clenched, my body tensing at the thought. He was right, though. I knew he was. It wasn’t fair of me to run away without explaining myself, not after all our time together.
Slowly, I nodded, and Oliver relaxed. “But I don’t know if she’ll talk to me,” I admitted. “She’s been avoiding me. She didn’t even tell me about this trip.”
He tapped his fingers against his desk. “I might have an idea.”
