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My voice comes out hollow, like it usually does when I have to regale someone with the tale on why Gwen Hastings is no longer on this earth. “When I was twelve. She was helping a town ravaged by a tornado gather supplies and pass them out. When she was up there, another one tore through two weeks later. The building they were in still wasn’t the best option, but it was the only one around that didn’t already have damage. Forty-six people died in total out of the two tornados that came through.”
Thorin swallows roughly, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s rare people are able to offer anything that hasn’t already been said.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Your mother was a wonderful person.
Your grief will be long but the burden will lift.
She’s in a better place now.
So many responses, so many variations of the same thing. It drove me insane, especially as a hormonal teenager. And Dad? He shut himself off, sheltered himself from the world. The hardest part for me was realizing I didn’t lose one parent, I lost two.
Nana Noel moved from Phoenix to New York to make sure my schedule wasn’t too disrupted as I continued on through school. It’s funny, looking back. I remember Nana Noel’s voice when I blurted out that I got married in Las Vegas.
Her gray hair barely bobbed as she nodded like I wasn’t out of my mind for doing something so egregious. “Well, Bexley Anne,” she said in her tinkling old lady voice. “You never did have a rebellious phase so I guess it was bound to appear at some point.”
Thorin’s voice drags me back to the present. “What’s that look on your face?”
“I’m thinking of my Nana Noel,” I smile. “She’s my favorite person. She was my mother’s mom so we’ve always had a special connection.”
“I’m glad you have someone close in your life. King and Aillard are those for me. Before them, I kept to myself mostly.”
I remember him mentioning that. Thorin and I have a lot in common since we’re introverts at heart. Although with his big thirtieth birthday bash, it seems like he’s more outgoing than he used to be. Taking a moment to gather my emotions, I finish reading my messages and then print off the dossier I use to keep track of charities that I volunteer for just in case a client wants to expand their interests. Plus, I need to remind myself that becoming Thorin’s friend isn’t on my agenda.
Sliding the dossier across the desk to Thorin, he arches an eyebrow. “This is far thicker than I was expecting.”
“Charities require a lot of commitment. I did warn you that there are multiple that I work for. I’m willing to set aside my routine to help focus on the ones you want to participate in, though. This way we’re not stuck doing something you might dislike. And if one charity ends up being different from what you think, we can always come back and try another one.”
“Charities really allow you to volunteer just once?”
Smiling patiently at him, I start to tap my foot under my desk since I’ve been sitting still for too long. “Sometimes that one time to you means the next time there’s an opening for someone who really wants to be there. Some charities can only accept a certain number of volunteers due to whatever the event is.”
He nods in understanding. “Okay.”
Reaching over to my pen holder, I pluck a highlighter out and hand it to Thorin. “How about you read through and highlight the ones you want to look further into.”
Thorin doesn’t accept the highlighter though. He continues to look down at the thick stack of papers in his hands. Rising from his seat, he curls the papers together and offers me a distant, strange smile at odds with the man who was sitting across from me like an old friend mere seconds ago. “Actually, I have to get going. I just came to see where a good starting point would be.” He lifts the papers in the air like he’s waving a trophy he didn’t care to win. “This helps. When I get back to my office and have a chance to glance over my schedule, I’ll see what I have open that corresponds to your list. I’ll confer with Detrick so we can get together again and attend a charity event.”
For some reason, disappointment settles in my gut. I thought, for whatever reason, that he would stay and we would continue to finalize plans together. But he’s right, he has a business to run, just like I have meetings to attend. It’s strange how quickly I fell back into my easy rhythm with Thorin without realizing it. Forgetting about the hurt and anger I thought would come barrelling into me the moment we were in the same room. “Sure.” I give him a tight smile in return, but he’s already walking towards the door to my office without looking back. “Have a great day.”
I sigh again as the door closes, effectively reminding me that I am not part of Thorin Ravencroft’s life. He’s merely operating in the fringes of mine.
6
“It’s hard to reflect on mistakes when you’re living in the outcome.” - Thorin
The green highlighter twirls in my fingers as I scan over the document Bex gave me for a fourth time. Nothing has been highlighted. It’s not that I’m against volunteer work, it’s that I want to try all of these. I want to see what Bex does when she goes out to volunteer and why she thinks this particular charity is worth investing her time in.
This packet is several pages deep, divided into columns and categories. There’s educational volunteer work, animal rescues, veterans, and so many more. Next to the category is a little blurb about what the charity does so I have a bit more insight on which to choose. But that doesn’t negate the fact my brain can’t decide on which ones I want because all my thoughts go back to Bex.
Everything goes back to Bex.
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me that I decided to show up unannounced at her office like a fucking stalker, but I went. Just the glimpse of her, all professional and happy, felt like a deep gouge in my chest. She wasliving, which is the most dick thing to think about. She was fine in her life without me in it. I didn’t realize until I heard her musical voice that I always thought, in the very back of my mind, that she was missing me.
Clearly I’m delusional.
Aillard walks into my office without knocking, which tells me that he slipped past Holly. She would literally race down the hall to keep someone from barging in here. He walks calmly into the sitting portion of my office and then collapses backwards like an idiot onto the couch. “Oh, Doctor Thorin, you’re the best therapist in the world.”
