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I feel like I’m floating. From the moment the doctor uttered those words to this moment now, as I sit at the table in Ronan’s apartment, finishing the dinner Agatha prepared for us.
I’m…pregnant.
Suddenly everything just clicks. With the way I’ve been feeling lately—the nausea, exhaustion, dizziness—it all makes perfect sense. I almost feel like an idiot for not connecting those dots sooner.
And now, here I sit in this penthouse suite. Even though I know I shouldn’t feel the least bit nervous or worried, I still can’t help but wonder what exactly this means for my future, forourfuture.
We have options—I know that—but in my heart, I know how much I want this.
But does he?
Ronan said he was happy, but is he really considering what sort of change this will mean for him? He’s fifty-six…about to turn fifty-seven. Does he really want to start a familynow? Will bringing home a child bring back too many harsh memories of the one he lost?
Has he truly forgiven me enough to want a commitment this serious?
Nine years ago, my mother chose me over him. If I choose to keep this baby, will I lose him?
My mind is a mess, like a ping-pong ball back and forth from pure exhilaration to profound dread.
Moments after I hear the front door close as Agatha leaves, I know Ronan and I are alone. His hands caress my shoulders as he leans down to press his lips to my head.
“You look deep in thought. Are you okay?” he asks.
“I’m going to keep the baby,” I say in a confident whisper. His hand strokes my back, but he stays silent. Inside, my stomach turns. I feel as if I’m channeling my mother, suddenly understanding what it must have felt like to choose me over him. Except, I don’t have half the strength she did. Right now, I’m terrified.
“Ronan, say something, please,” I stammer nervously.
As I pull away, I stare up into his eyes and let out a short gasp. There are tears brimming in his eyes and a look of joy in his expression. “I don’t know what the fuck to say, Daisy.”
“I need to know you’re sure about this,” I whisper.
He pulls me from the chair and wraps his arms around me as he gazes into my eyes. “I’m sure, Daisy. Are you?”
“I’m terrified,” I reply, my voice breaking on a sob.
When his face falls into a somber expression, I realize that what he’s holding on to more than anything right now ishope.Ronan has every reason to be as terrified as me, if not more. He’s already been through the worst parenthood could give him. But he’s still holding me and our unborn child together, as if he would willingly walk into that fire again with thehopethat it will all work out.
“It’s going to be okay, Daisy.”
It’s funny how those words, spoken by someone you trust, can mean so much. How it somehow quiets all of those worries and makes breathing a little easier.
I don’t respond, but I do give him a gentle nod.
“I could tell you exactly how this is going to go, and we could map out the rest of our lives to ensure that every single moment is perfect, but the only guarantee in life is that it won’t happen the way you think it will, baby girl. All we can do is enjoy this moment, right now.”
The breath that comes out of me is heavy with relief. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury myself in his chest. I feel his heart pound against my cheek as we hold each other, and slowly, the terror I felt a moment ago starts to melt away.
“Join me in the shower,” he whispers, and my stomach flutters with excitement. Two months without his touch and now it’s all I want.
He takes me by the hand, leading me to the bathroom, and I let him peel off every layer of my clothing, until I’m standing in front of him naked. As his hands drift down my body, his lips follow the trail, from my shoulders, over my breasts, and then pausing as his hand rests over my belly.
As he holds it there, the emotion barrels over me again. The moment his eyes meet mine, it feels as if he’s holding me and our child together, and my heart swells in my chest. This is a moment I’ll remember for as long as I live.
Then, he drops to his knees in front of me, pressing his lips to my stomach, and I run my fingers through his hair. We stay like that for a while, both of us absorbing this new reality that came barreling into our lives without warning. It may have been a surprise, but it feels right.
When he rises from his knees, I pull his mouth to mine. His kiss feels like home. I want to enjoy every second of this moment right now, savoring the intimacy between us.
The world feels so much safer when I’m in his embrace and not because he’ll protect me from everything that could happen to me, but because I know that no matter what happens, he’ll be there.
