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Julian looked at Peter again, and I adored the way his eyes were so caring, trying his best to put our new friend at ease. “And you, Peter?”
“I’ll have a whisky, please.”
“And wine for you, sweetheart?” Julian asked me, knowing full well I’d say yes. I was coming to enjoy it more and more.
He walked over to the kitchen and invited Peter to accompany him to choose from the selection of whiskies he had on the shelf. I sat next to Lola and grinned at her. It felt weird but amazing to have visitors in this place. The first time it had ever happened.
“Julian’s really hot,” she whispered. “He’s not all that far off from one of the cover guys. I could make a really good version of him. He’s going to age even better. Grey hair will really suit him.”
It would, yeah. He was in his usual kind of suit, and no matter how many times I saw him in them, they always drove me crazy. He was looking less lean in them now. Filling out nicely – no doubt because of the fantastic dinners he was sharing with me.
“Peter looks great, too,” I told her. “He’s got that rough kind of stubble which makes him look hardcore.”
“He’s always hardcore, and he always looks great, but he’s so edgy tonight. Kind of assumes everyone judges him and hates him wherever he goes. He’s not like it at all when it’s just me and him. He’s funny and confident, and a beast in the bedroom, and it’s so shit to see the effect the world has on him. It’s like he feels he’s some kind of criminal, even now.”
I knew what she was talking about. I could still feel the sense down deep in Julian that he saw himself as a pervert who didn’t deserve anything nice in life anymore, but he was coming to terms with it. Slowly. I could see him glowing a little bit brighter every day, people’s stares deflected more easily. But Julian’s story around here was different. He’d been through much worse than here when he was cast out and banished from Oxford. Crenham was just the dessert after a mega rancid main course. To Peter, Dine’s Green must still mean a lot.Everything.
“Do you ever think about moving away and starting over?” I asked her.
“Yeah, we’ve talked about it, a lot, but I don’t want to leave Mum. And college. It’s just not right yet.”
I heard some laughter from the kitchen from both Julian and Peter, and Peter seemed a little more comfortable when they came back through to the living room. Julian handed over our wines before sitting down on our new sofa to the side.
“Cheers to us,” Julian said. “Partners in crime, the whole sorry group of us.”
“Here’s to friends, finally. Or I hope so,” Lola said in return, and looked over at Peter, sitting happily alongside Julian.
It didn’t take long to find out that we could very much be friends, all four of us. Conversation flowed easily for two couples who’d only just met. Lola shared Julian’s dry, sarcastic sense of humour and they were laughing like they’d known each other for years within minutes, and that loosened Peter up, loads, I could see it. I chipped in with laughter and comments, but I loved being an observer. I stared at my partner enjoying himself socially, and got my first real insight into how he must have been in Oxford, before his life fell apart. He was socially charming, and confident, curious and interested in what people were saying. It made my heart glow.
And it made my heart glow more when I saw the way Peter’s shoulders loosened as he shared stories, and the way Lola was grinning at him so happily. And it made my heart glow when she squeezed my knee, acknowledging in one simple gesture that things were going well.
“Time to get the steaks on,” Julian said after a while, and he gave Peter another slap on the shoulder as he got up. “Fancy joining me? We can try another whisky while it sizzles.”
“Sure thing. I’ll peel the spuds, if you like.”
Lola turned to me the moment they were out of view.
“This is epic, thank you. Seriously, I haven’t seen him like this when we’re out since it all blew up. It’s great to see him chill. He needs it.”
“So does Julian.”
“What about you?” she asked. “You must need it, too. You’re getting loads of shit too around here.”
I shrugged as I got a revelation. I was getting loads of shit, sure, but I wasn’t feeling it driving into my ribcage anymore. I barely noticed the whispers at college, and everyone could fuck off if they jeered at me on the way home. I’d never really given a toss about what anyone thought, because I didn’t really get on with anyone. I didn’t careaboutanyone. Not outside of Mum. Finally, being an unpopular loner had its benefits.
“I’m alright actually,” I said. “I just hate being without Mum.”
“Your family is pretty small, isn’t it?”
“My familyisjust Mum. Or it was, before Julian came along.” I took another sip of wine. “So, there you go. Nobody to give a stuff about. I’m the lucky one out of the lot of us.”
“What about Jayden? Scottie’s son? You cared about him, didn’t you?”
I did get a pang at that. An oversight.
“He’s keeping his distance. He probably despises me now his dad’s gone.”
“I bet he misses him. No matter what his dad did. I mean, his dad is his dad, right? I hope that my mum still loves me under the surface, no matter what choices I’ve made. And you must feel the same about yours. So, Jayden is going to miss his dad, isn’t he? No matter what an utter piece of shit he is.”
