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“Not jealous, no. Sad to lose her – understatement – but not jealous. Molly and Shannon deserved it.” She paused. “Mum didn’t take it as well as I did. Shannon was a good friend of hers, too. They’d see each other a lot, both of them having the same load of shit with people they were hooked up with. Me and Molly would sit in her room together, chatting through life, the universe and the shithole we called home. But then, all of a sudden, they were gone. Jacob only stayed once in their apartment before he took them away. Maybe that’s what made it harsher. It was almost like they’d died. One minute always there, every single day, the next gone. Just like that.”
“I see.”
The thought made me feel uncomfortable. The parallel gave me a shiver.
I focused back on Rosie as she carried on.
“Mum thought it was because she wasn’t good enough. She’d been at Triumph on the same night. She saw Jacob first actually. It was her who pointed him out. She said if she’d have been the pretty one… the funnier one… the cooler one… the smarter one…” Her voice trailed off. “It fucked her up.”
I could imagine that. Her mother’s self-confidence was likely shredded to pieces – what little she may have had of it.
“How old were you when they moved away?”
“Eleven. My teachers thought I’d get back up and close to other kids after that, but I didn’t. AndIwas so depressed thatMumwas so depressed, they put me forward for counselling. Listening through my problems, most likely scribbling downdaddy issuesrather than the fact that I was alone, trying to care for a mum that couldn’t take care of herself.” She looked over at me as I took a long drag of my cigarette. “She met Scottie in Triumph, you know? The same club. I think she always hoped she’d find another Jacob in there, but she found the total opposite.”
I used the opportunity to steer into him.
“Scottie clearly wasn’t there on a business trip from London. What does he do?”
“He works in roofing. Just a shame health and safety is so strict, otherwise maybe he’d fall off a building.”
“Long days at work, at least.”
“Small mercies.”
“Quite.” I hoped I wasn’t being too obvious. “What hours does he work? Does he work away?”
She saw through me, or thought she did.
“Don’t worry. He leaves early. I’ll be able to head in and get my college stuff without him being in the apartment.”
“Are you sure about that? How early exactly?”
“Five a.m.,” she said, and her smile was so genuine it gave me a pang. “Thanks for caring. It means a lot. It’s great to have somewhere to go. I haven’t had anywhere genuine, not since Molly.”
“Molly wasn’t a sex addicted alcoholic who slammed his cock into you when you needed support.” I laughed, but Rosie’s face lit up, unexpectedly.
“Is that a promise? Are you going to fuck me?”
I stubbed my cigarette out in the ashtray on the windowsill. “I really shouldn’t.”
“Who says so?”
I smirked. “Almost all of conventional society. I think a jury would vote against it.”
She didn’t smirk back. “Who gives a fuck about conventional society? Do you? Really?”
Rosie was serious. Her eyes were digging.
“I used to, yes,” I told her. “I used to care very, very much.”
“Iusedto think Molly would invite me over to live with her one day, or Mum would meet someone great and stop crying, or Scottie would one day stop being a nasty, violent asshole, but things change.”
“We become disillusioned.”
“Yes,” she said. “So, can you get disillusioned about this, please? You don’t have to be a noble man. Not with me.”
I laughed, loving her faith in me.
