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I had never seen true, real romantic love in someone before. Sure, I’d seen guys with my mum, and people hooked up at college, and I’d seen couples heading into the pizza place to grab their takeaways, but nothing so up close and personal as the way Julian looked at me across the kitchen. This was far more like one of my romance novels than anything I’d ever seen in the flesh. I’d sure love my fellow online readers to be able to get their hands on this story. They’d be cheering me on.
He looked at me with a mixture of things I couldn’t untangle. Care, attention, affection… and the force of lust that I was already besotted with. I’d had a glimpse of another side of him in the bedroom. An addictive one.
But it was only the beginning.
I wanted to see inside the heart and mind of Julian Lockley with the curiosity of Alice chasing the rabbit. I was already crazy about his strengths. The power of someone who would be willing to kill to keep someone safe. The quiet humility he carried so well. The sharp intelligence of a man who has pondered life over decades. Pondered his own guilt. Accepted his own wrongs. Held himself accountable for his actions.
It would have been so much better if I had the words to sum up just how grateful I was for everything he’d shown and given me already. Shame he was the English professor, not me. I’d have loved to have written him a glowing piece of adoration for everything he was and everything he’d blessed me with. Everything from a place to stay, to muesli in the morning, to coconut conditioner. For showering me with attention, and want, and making me feel like I was really worth something. For saving me from the evil of Scottie.
How could I have words for that? How could I show such a genuinethanksto someone who’s done all those things? More importantly – how could I ever let that person go?
I was pondering that while Julian was doing the opposite. His attempt to cling on to his idea of morality must have been niggling him. I could see it in his face.
“I really shouldn’t be doing this to you,” he said. “It’s not acceptable in the slightest. I should be hung, drawn and quartered.”
I sighed. “Do youwantto do it?”
“Of course Iwantto. You are divinity personified.”
“Why not, then? Why fight it?”
He poured our second round of coffees.
“A whole host of reasons. A thirty-year age gap for starters, and a pure innocent girl who deserves better.”
“Change the record,” I said. “You still think I’m all that innocent after that in there?” I rolled my eyes, trying to break through his fresh round of guilt. “Stop giving yourself a hard time every five seconds.”
“Unfortunately, I deserve to give myself a hard time every single second, not every five.”
He handed me my coffee, and I took hold of his arm before he stepped away.
“Why fight fate?”
His eyes were so dark on mine. “Fate? That’s quite a statement.”
“I didn’t think I believed in it, but I do now. Fate sent me a hero out of nowhere.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I’m not a hero, I can assure you. I’m the complete opposite.”
He was wrong. I was staring up at one. He just didn’t want to believe it.
“You’remyhero.”
“I’m very flattered,” he said, trying to brush it off, but I wouldn’t let him. I kept my grip on his arm.
“I mean it, Julian. I’m not joking. You’re a hero.” I laughed. “Better than any romance story I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot of them.”
“Yes, well, that’s probably because I’ve swept you into my own depravity. I shouldn’t take advantage of your gratitude.”
“You aren’t. You’re giving me what I want. If that’s depravity, I’m right there with you.”
“That would make us a very strange pair of soulmates indeed,” he said, and finally smiled.
Chapter Sixteen
Rosie
Julian didn’t wakeme before he left, and I slept right through my alarm.
