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“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll go back to college tomorrow.”
He looked so concerned for me. “Do you want me to accompany you to the gates?”
I laughed at that, squeezing his hand on the sofa.
“It’s ok, thanks, Daddy. I don’t need a chaperone.”
He laughed at my reply but didn’t seem all that convinced.
“I hate stating the obvious, but it could get nasty. The whole place will be a sea of shitty whispers, I’m sure.”
I shrugged. “I don’t give a shit about the whole place. They can all fuck off.”
He squeezed my hand back, giving me a smile. “It’s lovely as always to see your confidence blooming. I just hope you’re not battered by people’s opinions. I’m certain they’ll ram them in your face at the first opportunity.”
It wasn’t confidence that was blooming in me, though. It wasme. I was feelingmyselfblooming, becoming my true personality for once in my life, rather than shrinking into the background.
Just a shame Mum wasn’t around to see it. Maybe if she could, she’d be thanking Julian, not hating him.
Part of me had hoped she’d come knocking at the door, even just a little bit calmer and wanting to talk, but no. Nothing. Radio silence. It always hurt when I checked my phone and saw she was online. I’d called up the message window plenty of times, but no. I wasn’t going to be the one to do it. I wasn’t going to beg or back down.
On Sunday evening, we’d lain in bed and Julian set up his laptop and we watched the very first video he’d taken of me.
It just felt so right, spooned into my naked hero, his arms around me as I saw myself being stretched wide. But most of all it was Julian I couldn’t take my eyes off. The look in his eyes as he made me his slut. It wasn’t the look of a filthy pervert. It was the look of adoration. I felt it from him, too. It was bliss, feeling so loved, so safe.
Julian fucked me tenderly that night. Fucked me and kissed me with beautiful passion. And then he held me tight all night long, which was just perfect, but I’d be lying if I said my stomach wasn’t churning as reality kicked in. Through the bravado it was still there. I knew I’d be facing the world tomorrow. The morning only made it harder.
I took a shower to make sure every visible scrap of marker pen and filth was gone before I got dressed for college. I used a bit of lip gloss and put my hair up in a high ponytail, trying to look as bouncy and happy as possible. I packed my bag for the day with my books and pens, and it felt like years since I’d been there as I slung it over my shoulder.
“Good luck,” Julian said, as if he was packing me off to war. Maybe he was. So be it.
I could do this. I had to.
I felt sick as I left our apartment block and began my journey to college. I was just grateful I hadn’t seen Mum or Trisha. It would have made my smile so much harder. I almost made it to the college gates before I spotted Jayden. My heart dropped as I saw the rage on his face. He charged over and glared at me like I was trash.
“You’re fucking him, then? The perv upstairs? That’s why he really fucked Dad over, isn’t it? He was playing you. The sick fucker was fucking playing you.”
My own rage flared up in return.
“Fuck off, Jay! He fucked your dad over because your dad is a cunt who’s been abusing my mum for years, and was about to hurt me, too.”
Jayden stuck his face in mine.
“Yeah, well thanks to you, the whole estate thinks they know what Dad’s like now. Bev’s been spouting about it every chance she gets, telling the world he’s an abuser.”
That took me aback.
“What? Mum’s been telling people?”
I saw hurt underneath his rage. Despite trying, he couldn’t hide it. He had been as fucked over by his dad as much as the rest of us, he just didn’t want to see it. Loyalty is such a blessing and a curse.
“Her and Trisha have been saying Scottie assaulted you. They’ve been telling everyone. Trisha’s like a fucking trumpet everywhere she goes.”
“Trisha’salwayslike a trumpet everywhere she goes.”
“She’s got plenty to trumpet about now. Everyone might as well get popcorn to listen. Dad assaulting you, the sicko upstairs assaulting you, too. She’s screaming it to the whole fucking world.”
“Hey!” I said at that. “That’s crap, Jay. Julian isn’tassaultingme. He isn’t asicko, and I’m with him because I want to be. He’s great to me, always has been, right from the very first second I knocked at his door.”
