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I had never been special.I didn’t earn their estate through hard work. I could have gotten the exact same amount if I had done whatever I wanted years ago.I chose wrong.
Just like with the coffee shop.
And maybe like I am with Tommy.
Francis was good enough until I met this biker. I knew Velma’s grandson might be interested.Did I sabotage that budding romance in the same way I did my business?
I feel lightheaded just like back in the lawyer’s office. My life is so empty. I did this to myself, and I don’t know how to begin fixing what I’ve broken.
TOMMY
Iwon’t pretend I knowhow to talk to ladies. Back in junior high, when my friends were first looking to get laid, I was just happy for a warm meal and somewhere to sleep. If a girl liked me, she needed to realize I would never chase her or reveal any seduction moves.
I doubt Xenia has picked up on my lack of romantic finesse. That’s why she’s gotten herself all wound up right now. Mostly, I think I’ve hurt her lady feelings, leaving her to rethink what she wants.
For a minute or two, I let her stew. I’m not even sure why she wanted to come along.
No, I guess I get it. She thinks I’m pretty. Maybe she’s bored of square men and wants a ride on the wild side.
I can’t buy she ever really believed I was homeless. Xenia might be lost, and I’m sure some people might call me attractive. But I still can’t buy she’d go goofy over a poor-as-fuck son of a bitch.
Didn’t she put anything together when her tatted homeless customer sent bikers to buy shit? Xenia doesn’t seem dumb. I do think she might take things at face value. Once she assumes something, she doesn’t reconsider her first impression.
That might be why she moved to McMurdo Valley after one short stop here. In her head, this town was perfect. During the years that passed, she never considered she might be wrong.
Right now, she’s gotten herself stuck in a shitty headspace. That’s why she’s flustered and frowning.
I ought to be softer with Xenia. She’s a beautiful woman, and I like looking at her. Being sweet would keep her around longer.
Is that what I really want? Xenia’s already crawled into my head, tainting all my thoughts. If she left McMurdo Valley, I might break free from this pointless obsession.
As a kid, I refused to go soft. I never let myself forget how I’d need to leave my friends’ houses and return to the cold, dirty encampment. Kourtney often conned herself into believing we could stay.
Except no one wanted us around permanently, not even men like Ed Macready and Glenn Childs who offered us more than most. Our parents were a plague. Drawing their attention wasn’t worth taking in two dirty kids.
Back in junior high, I got to thinking maybe Ed would let Kourtney stay longer if I wasn’t part of the package. A teenage boy comes with problems, and he had his own teenaged daughter to protect. So, I wouldn’t join Kourtney when we’d get invitations to stay over at Ruin’s place. My sister needed to be clean and warm more than I did.
