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Tugging up her tank top, I bathe her belly with kisses. She smells so damn good. Tastes even better.
I think I hear noises outside. Someone is coming.
No, it’s just the Valley breathing in the loud way it can at times.
Xenia’s beige shorts are tied in the front with a bow. They’re more stylish than most chicks wear around here. She’s probably got expensive tastes.
No, I’m reading too much into everything! Just focus on her, not the past.
My hand slides over her shorts and between her thighs. I dip my fingers under the fabric, enjoying the feel of her hot pussy hidden by thin cotton panties.
“Hobo?” she begs, sounding nearly in tears.
I don’t want to stop. I get the same sinking feeling as when I knew I’d need to leave my friends’ houses. The panic and despair nearly stole my ability to function. Then, I’d hardened up and ordered myself to stop being weak. Embrace the pain, hunger, loneliness.
Today, I can’t let go of what I want. I won’t leave. I refuse to let her flee. My hand rests on her belly as I nibble at the crotch of her soft shorts.
Xenia says my name again, choking on a sob. I think of her that first day, defeated by life. I imagine her earlier, reborn into a woman with hopes. Then, I make myself hear her fearful voice.
Finally, I let up and force my gaze to meet hers. She’s afraid, and I’m going to lose what I want. Did I know that would happen? Am I trying to scare her off? Or is she just the best damn thing I’ve ever known and it’s right for me to lose control?
“Did I hurt you?” I ask, unable to think straight as my arousal shorts out my brain. “Should I stop?”
“I’m afraid,” she says, holding my gaze.
“Of me?” I ask like a moron.
Of course, she’s scared of me.Everyone is. Even Ruin gets wary if I’m behind him for too long.
“I’ve never been good in bed,” she says, crying now. “I’m going to mess up, and you’ll never call me again.”
Her words make no sense. She’s gone mad. Or maybe I have.
My dick is painfully hard. My balls throb. I need to tear free of my clothes and feel the fresh air on my overheated skin.
I crawl to the tent’s opening and yank free of my shirt and shove off my jeans. Sitting in my boxers, I breathe in the Valley’s familiar scents. I remember what Turtle Cove was like when I was young. The world’s changed, but I don’t think I have.
“I’m sorry,” Xenia whimpers as she crawls up behind me and rests her hand on my back.
Her words chip away at my lust before slipping through the cracks and finally making sense.
She’s still Xenia.Even with her new smiles and carefree plans, she remains the same sad woman I saw on the first day. She doesn’t trust herself not to ruin the life she wants.
“Give me your phone,” I snap, sounding like an asshole.
Xenia flinches before obeying. I tap the screen so she’ll put in her passcode. Once I can get to her contacts, I add my number.
“If I don’t call you, you can call me. If I avoid you, you need to find me. Show up at the Pigsty. Tell Tomcat to help you. He wants to play matchmaker. He can track me down. Because even if I don’t call or show up, you’re all I want anymore. So, if I get in my own way, I need you to make me see you. Once I do, I’ll remember why I love you.”
Xenia takes her phone, seeming lost now. I’ve turned a fun day into garbage. It’s what the Clark family does. We ruin other people. My parents destroyed each other before roping more morons into the fold. They ruined me. In some ways, they even destroyed Kourtney. She just hides the damage under her expensive clothes and two-hundred-dollar haircuts.
“I have to pee,” Xenia says, sounding scared as she passes me to leave the tent.
I don’t watch her wander off in search of a nature toilet. I stare at the cove, once filled with turtles. This place is dying. In another twenty years, I’ll still be out here, but the turtles probably won’t be. The Valley’s changing, yet I stubbornly remain the same.
After returning, Xenia uses a bottled water to wash her hands. She climbs in behind me and tugs at my shoulder.
“If I’m bad at fucking, you’ll still want me,” she says, and I realize it’s not a question. “It’s like how I didn’t know how to pee outside. You’ll teach me, and I’ll get better. And if you’re disappointed in me, I’ll track you down until you give me another chance.”
