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I try to hit up Eagle’s house, only to find I’m unable to enter. I just can’t cross the threshold. I’ll only spend all night thinking about how Xenia deserves her own house. What would she like? Can I get used to a home if I know she’ll be next to me?
The Pigsty offers no comfort, either. Everyone here has their place. I’m just walking through like a ghost, barely recognized by the home’s usual occupants. Walla Walla does offer to make me a sandwich. Tomcat asks about my cupcake lady. Smokey claims her pastries are making him fat. Goose decides to measure his hips. That distracts them all so I can flee back into the night.
I end up at Xenia’s shop trapped on a barely used road. No matter what she says, I feel like her business is what keeps her anchored to McMurdo Valley. Without somewhere to go and tasks to check off her list, she might float away to a place I won’t follow.
I stare at the building, wishing I could save it. Why don’t I just buy the property and charge her a dollar a month of rent? That’s doable, and then she’d have to stay.
However, I sense her heart isn’t in the shop. I can’t imagine how can she give up her dream after she put so much effort into making a warm place. She talked earlier about moving out of Velma’s house. Xenia is willing to walk away from everything she once held dear.
That’s why I worry about my heart. What the fuck am I going to do when she leaves? I keep telling myself I’m strong enough for the pain. Today, I realized I’m fucking lying to myself. When Xenia Griggs leaves me behind, I’ll never recover. And I’ve seen what loneliness does to people when they give up.
I only sleep out of exhaustion. Waking to a loud morning of birds squawking over territorial disputes, I don’t want to see Xenia. Her smile will lull me into believing she’ll stay.
Yet, I can’t help myself. I stop by the Pigsty to shower up. Dice offers me a cheese and bacon sandwich.
“We’re taking turns playing Irina’s cook role,” he explains when I seem unsure about the apron tied around his hips.
I realize my club family’s gone fully domesticated. Soon, they’ll adopt a pet and start talking about redecorating.
The Valley is changing again. As summer wobbles on its dying legs, I ride around and breathe in the last gasp of the hot season. Soon, I’ll need to start dressing different, carrying heavier packs, worrying about staying warm overnight.
Each winter, I find pissing outside more difficult. Though my mind remains sharp enough, my body wishes I’d embrace indoor plumbing.Would a few creature comforts really hurt?
My questions are interrupted when I think I’m being tailed. After pulling into the shop’s lot, I roll back out and track my possible stalker.
The distinctive yellow truck is driven by a few of Urick Halvorson’s workers. I recognize them from the Canary Basin fight when Yagger got jumped.
The men soon pull into a gas station. I sense they feel me on their tail, just like I did them. Their presence in McMurdo Valley isn’t a big deal. Our town offers more than theirs. Halvorson’s people are always around, but these two were clearly keeping an eye on me. I don’t know where the tail started, but I felt them as I wound my way around the backroads.
Looping back to XYZ Coffee, I spot Glenn’s truck still out front. He’s become fond of the shop now that Patrice Fuchs is rarely at his old hangout—the Valley Gin Mill. The old man likes to take up a table or two, reading his papers, fiddling with his laptop, and playing UFO detective. I figure he’ll linger at the shop for at least an hour.
I walk inside to find Glenn alone. He lifts his dark-eyed gaze from his paper and gestures with his chin toward the back.
“Your bros texted a sandwich order. She’ll be busy for a bit.”
Nodding, I look around the shop. Again, I’m struck by a longing to save this place. Not only to keep Xenia with me. This was my woman’s dream turned reality. She had hopes for this place. It feels like an extension of her. To let the shop close up and become another failed business seems like a part of her will also be ending.
Xenia peeks out to check on Glenn and smiles at the sight of me. Her joyful expression makes me uncomfortable. No way can I live up to the hopes I see in her bright gaze.
“I heard the bell,” she says when I just stand still and refuse to approach. “I thought I heard your motorcycle earlier.”
“I was around then but saw something I needed to check out.”
Glenn looks up from his paper and gives me a wary frown. I nod at him to say he’s right to be worried.
“I’ve got to make a call,” I tell Xenia, backing away from her. “I’ll be right outside.”
“I’ve got a bunch of sandwiches to make,” she says and smiles softly. “I’ll be right back here.”
My face finally offers her a grin, which instantly soothes the worry I spot in her gaze. I leave Xenia to her sandwiches and Glenn to his UFO hunting. Outside, the heat’s already oppressive. I need to use the closed pizza shop’s overhang to see my phone well enough to dial Ruin.
I consider texting him. He’s always riding around in his truck with Selene or hanging out at his place with his baby, Walker. Except Ruin will most definitely call me a hundred times if he thinks my message is important. I’d rather get that done now rather than when I take Xenia out later.
“Mayor Hoyt Macready’s office,” Selene says, answering his phone. “How may I help you?”
“This is Hobo. Is Ruin around?”
“I’ll connect your call,” she says, snickering as I hear a horn honk. “Connecting.”
