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Maybe Icouldhave told him about the IUD, but no, I don't feel like Ishouldhave. I hadn't had a tubal ligation. I hadn't taken away the chance to have more children, just put it off.
For the sake of both my physical and mental health.
"Aria would not have hidden something like that from Enzo. And he would have been furious if she had."
He's right, but that's still a low blow. Also, not relevant to our marriage. "My parents loved and trusted each other implicitly."
"Are you saying you don't trust me?" His deep tone is infused with outrage and disbelief.
Of course, he ignores my reference tolove, an emotion my controlled husband has no use for.
Instead of firing back an automatic response to his question about trust, I take a moment to really think about it.
An arrow of insight pierces me to the core.
"I thought I didn't tell you because you didn't need to know," I explain. "I wasn't putting off having more children indefinitely, just until I knew I could handle another pregnancy and what came after."
I had believed I didn't feel the need to tell Raff about the IUD because of the emotional distance in our marriage. Which, yes, is something he fosters.
When we first got married, I'd been more than willing to build the kind of relationship my parents had. I craved closeness with the man I'd foolishly fallen in love with. Raff has made it clear he is not interested in me as anything but a convenient mafia wife, easy access bed partner and baby maker.
"You thought?" he prompts.
"Yes, but you're right. I don’t trust you."
"How the hell can you say that? I am your husband."
"But you are the mafia's underbossfirst. And your father's sonsecond. Your role as my husband comes in a distantthird, if that."
"You cannot tell me that Enzo put your mother ahead of his responsibilities as the don." He doesn't mention the fact his role as son comes ahead of being my husband.
Raff probably sees it one and the same with being underboss and keeping his vow as a made man.
"If my father knew that pregnancy would risk Mamma's health after Severu was born, he would have suggested the birth control himself. And he would not have allowed her to go off of it unless he was absolutely sure the next pregnancy would not put her at risk."
Even if that meant potential instability forla famiglia.
"The key phrase there beingif he knew, which I didn't because neither you, nor your OB told me you should wait a year after Nero."
"Even if my pregnancy hadn't been so exhausting, waiting at least a year to get pregnant again is not exactly rocket science." All he had to do was show the slightest interest in me as a person, and not a baby making machine.
"My degree from Stanford is in business, not medicine, or engineering."
The sarcasm is thick between us. So is the anger and once again my lady parts start sending all sorts of messages about how to resolve this argument.
Doing my best to ignore them and remain rational, I say, "You don't need a medical degree to Googlewhy is my wife so tired during pregnancy. But first you have to actually care about said wife's welfare."
"I am not a mind reader. You should have said something to me."
"If one of your men was suddenly unable to do their job, wouldn't you ask why?"
"I thought I knew why. You were pregnant."
"Lots of pregnant women can work. I avoided having to go on bedrest because I didn't."
"How the hell are you holding me accountable for not knowing what you did not tell me?" Raff sounds beyond exasperated.
"As long as I popped out a healthy baby, I didn't think it mattered to you."
