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But I'd never told Raff that.
All the heavy hints about getting pregnant were annoying and I mentioned that to my husband, but how was Raff supposed to know that they hurt me as well? First, I didn't tell him and second, he had no idea I didn'twantto get pregnant.
Patrizio had inserted himself into the search for both Neri's preschool and then elementary school. However, my husband refused to simply go with his father's suggestions for either school. We made the decisions together, and neither brought up his father's stated opinions when doing so.
My whole marriage, I've taken Patrizio's interference as proof that Raff valued his opinion over my feelings, but looking back, I can't help seeing that my husband isn't the only one who should have done a better job of communicating.
"I've been operating under some mistaken assumptions myself," I admit.
The hand not holding me pressed against him like a safety bar on an amusement park ride, brushes my hair back from my face with tender softness. "That right there is only one of the many reasons I love you."
He said it again. Why don't I say it back? What is holding the words inside me.
"What reason?" I ask instead.
"You are fair."
"Oh."
"You are also stubborn and hold onto a grudge like Super Glue."
He is not wrong. "Thank you."
He chuckles and shakes his head. "Both can be a strength," he agrees.
"But they can also hurt me and the people around me."
Raff doesn't reply, but I see in his stormy grey eyes that he's one of the people who has been hurt.
"I love you too, Raff. I always have."
The lovemaking that comes after my confession is no surprise, but the way he holds me after, listing all the things that made him fall in love with me? It's a lot. And one of the most amazing moments in our marriage. I will treasure his words forever.
It is onlyfairfor me to tell him what made me fall in love with him too.
"You loved me before we got married?" He sounds stunned.
"Yes." He'd lived in New York the four years I went to university.
We'd spent time together when I came home for visits and every summer, he was there. We didn't date. My father wouldn't have allowed us to spend time alone. My college was an all women campus.
But I got to know Raff and what I knew I learned to love. Only now, I realize I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.
And the love I feel for him is deeper and stronger than what I experienced before our marriage, despite the challenges that marriage has been to my emotional equilibrium.
"You should have flown home, Giulia."
"I told you, my OB appointment is tomorrow."
Chapter 17
New York City, New York
Five Families
CATALINA
I call the don's mother the next day and after the initial pleasantries, I put the idea to her about Carlotta enrolling in culinary school.
