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“No… but I don’t think it matters…”
I don’t know if I can change back. I don’t know how to.
I wish I could say those words, but they’re stuck in my throat.
I roughly dry the tears dampening my cheeks, and soon, Derek's fingers are doing the job for me with a gentleness and a care that make me want to cry even more.
"Of course, it matters, Carina," he reassures me.
I want to believe him.I do!
But I can’t.
I can’t risk it.
Not again.
Something tells me it would be even more painful this time. With him, it would be different than it was with Jonathan. With him, it would be real.
I have little of my heart left as it is. I can't risk being left with nothing of it.
“Please, Derek. No more talking. I… I need you,” I beg, my lips diving for his, my tongue hunting his down until I feel his ardent response.
He breaks the kiss and groans my name, sending a barrage of sensations straight to my core and making me instantly wet just with his gravelly, sexy voice.
I clutch him to me like my life depends on it, and maybe it really does.
I don’t know how long we spend in this embrace, just kissing and caressing, but I know that when I pull away, my breath is ragged, and my lips feel swollen.
“Derek…”
He picks me up and wraps my body around his, my legs around his waist, his rock-hard length pressing and jerking into the cradle of my thighs.
"Bed?" he asks with a growl.
I nod against his neck. “G-go left,” I stutter and nearly jump out of my skin when I feel his tongue licking over the shell of my ear.
“You want me to fuck you, angel, don’t you?” he grunts, his eyes alight with lust, his lips reddened and tempting.
“I… I do. I need you.”
He smiles at me. “I need you too, sweetheart, and I will give you anything you want, but you have to promise something to me.”
I feel my body stiffen a little. “What?” I ask, my eyes cast down.
Here we are with the demands, the commands, and the selfishness.
Derek stops walking for a moment and lifts me a little more against his hard, ripped body until my eyes are level with his and our noses are touching. "I want you to let go. I want you to enjoy yourself and, baby? I want you to scream the roof off of this building, okay?"
I laugh and kiss him as firmly as I can, my misgivings washed away one more time in the waves of that fuzzy, nameless warm feeling that I’ve been trying to suppress since I met Derek’s deep, passionate eyes for the first time across a room.
“Okay, Derek.”
I don’t know if I’m brave enough to scream, but I’ll do my best not to hold back.
* * *
Twenty minutes ago,I didn't know if I could bring myself to scream, and now I have no idea how to stop.
