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I feel Nadine’s hand in my hair. “Of course, not! If half of the things you told me he did and said are true —and I know you’re no liar, my friend— that bloke is so in love with you and understands you so deeply it would take so much more to make him hate you if he ever could.”
I shrug. "You might be right, but even if he doesn't loathe me, it doesn't change much. I'm so damaged no matter how much I love him, I still can't bring myself to trust him. How fucked up is that?”
I look up at my friend, and she nods. "Well, yes! It is, as you say, quite fucked up, sweetie, but at least now you can admit it now. That has to be progress, right?"
I huff, feeling yet more tears sliding down my cheeks. "Yes, and by the time we are seventy, I’m sure I’ll be able to be in the same room with him again, Nad.”
She gives me an indulgent smile but shakes her head. "You know all too well it won't be like that."
I sniffle. “Why?”
“Because, my dearest friend, it is obvious to me this Derek guy is necessary to your survival, and you're a strong gal, Carina. You're resilient, you have proven it time, and time again. You want to overcome this and you know what you could have with him. You know it could be more than surviving or even living if you went for him. You guys could be happy together."
I dry my tears and look away. "I know that, but I still can't… I don't know if I'm strong enough, even if being away from him hurts so much. I could go back, but it would be selfish. I can't give him what he wants, and I can't be selfish with him. I love him too much."
Nadine nods and smiles at me. “So don’t be.”
I feel my eyebrows pull together. “What?”
She takes my hand in hers. "Don't be selfish. Be selfless. You love him so much that you can risk your heart for his. You know you can."
At her words, a bulb goes on in my brain and I burst into sobs, but at the same time, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. She is right. I love him so, so much. It's not just about protecting my heart. It's about taking care of his.
His heart is true, and he put it in my hands that day.
I throw my arms around Nadine and laugh as I cry. “Thank you, I don’t know why I could not see it like that before…”
She pulls back and smiles at me. "I've been told it's not that easy to see straight when in love, and I've never seen a woman more in love than you.”
I nod and smile, drying my tears with the sleeve of my PJs top and the back of my hand. “Derek is real, Nad. You’re right. I can do it for him.”
She arches an eyebrow. “And for you, sweetie. I've seen photos of him online. The man ishot! It can't be too much of a hardship!”
We both laugh at that.
One thing is to believe you're in love with a man who is feigning to be someone he is not, and another is to be in love with someone who’s real.
That’s what Derek meant.
He loves me. I know he loves me.
I want to protect his heart, just as he would want to protect mine.
I smile through my tears.
No more hiding.
No more running for me, just like Derek said that day in the boardroom.
I don’t need to. Not anymore.
CHAPTER14
Derek
I'm sitting at a corner table in one of the finest establishments in Boston. My dad, Maxwell Colton and Roger Fillion, another big —and I meanhuge— client, are sharing it with me.
At this hour in this town, in this very place, all of Boston's big shot movers and shakers and ass-kissers and businessmen-wannabes are sitting around largely untouched dishes striking deals, making partnerships, and destroying enemies while the stiff drinks are the only things that are getting some of their attention off the hand-shaking, shop-talking, and deal-hunting.
