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I can’t really put my finger on it.
My eyes scan the crowd of revelers —most of them at this point well in their cups— and I stop short, almost jumping out of my own skin as I meet a pair of steely eyes looking through me and right into my soul, it seems.
I noisily gulp, and I feel my eyes widen.
This man is, well… the mostmanI’ve ever seen in my life —both in reality and on a screen.
He must be over 6'3'', at least. He is so tall he easily towers over almost everybody else in the room, and he's so built that his body could shield two other big guys from view. If he were to hold me, I'd probably get lost in his arms.
I can’t think of no better place in which to get lost.
I feel a smile tug at my mouth, and an immediate smirk takes over his full lips.
Unblinking, I drink in the sight of him like this is something momentum in my life, and I can't let myself forget even the smallest detail. From the deep, determined set of his eyes to the short dark beard on his strong jaw. I scan his jet black hair and the expression of unadulterated hunger on his face. The way his big hands are turning into fists at the sides of his huge body does strange things to my equanimity. My eyes study the tension in his large shoulders, and the flex and bulging of his muscles under the elegant fabric of his tux and I quietly gulp.
As I raptly stare at him, it feels like time has stopped. The luxurious space awash in light and music turns empty and silent, and we stare at each other as if nothing else matters.
The clink of the glasses, the laughter, and the chatter, the strings of notes played by the orchestra, everything appears dimmed around me, and I hear nothing aside from my own heart, see nothing apart from his eyes.
Everything falls away, leaving me standing there like a trembling leaf, my body and mind overcome by something I cannot understand.
So many senseless emotions are running through me that I’m almost dizzy from it all.
Something that strangely and impossibly feels like belonging, like recognition, sparks inside of me.
I’m confused and certain at the same time that the eyes of this handsome stranger hold inside something that’s going to be of great significance in my entire future life.
I feel my heartbeat kick up and I try to shake myself back into reality and away from what I can only describe as crazy thoughts.
Calm down, breathe, Carina.
This is nothing.
I force myself to look away and then refocus my gaze on him.
It's nothing, I mumble, trying to ignore the way my hands are trembling and my heart is racing, but I know I'm lying to myself right now.
This is far from nothing, even if I don't know what it is.
I've never been so powerfully, viscerally, emotionally, and unequivocally attracted to a man as I am right now. Whatever this means, if there's one thing I know is that, for some reason, I'm sure he feels the same way.
I can see a rush of emotions in his deep, intense eyes: longing, surprise, shock, confusion, attraction, arousal.
A combination of wild sensations that I somehow know is perfectly mirrored in my own gaze.
I startle a little when I realize I've moved several steps in his direction without even realizing I was doing it. My breathing gets more ragged, and I force my feet to stop even though I feel I should run to him right now.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I don’t know this man.
Sure, he is gorgeous, but so what?
He is not the first good-looking man I happen to meet.
I never react like this. It's been years since I felt the tiniest sparkle of attraction to someone, and now I'm completely adrift in it. Not even in the best moments with Jonathan, I ever felt something remotely akin to this.
It feels like I'm powerfully charged and powerless at the same time; like I can't escape, and at the same time, like I don't want to.
