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“Howis it okay?” he asks.
“I’mthe one who left.I’mthe one who pulled out of this, so if the two of you want to continue…”
Evansmacks my shoulder with his hand. “Stop!Ican’t…we can’t move on without you.Don’tyou see how much we feel for you?Howentwined we all are?”
“Iknow how much you feel for each other too.Idon’t want to keep the two of you apart,”Iadmit.Itis the truth, but it hurts.Loveincludes sacrifice.
“Howcould we move on without you?” he asks.
Isink down under the water and stay suspended for a few moments before surfacing.Heis watching me carefully, with pain in his eyes.
Iswim to the shore and lie on the grass.Instantly, the sun begins to warm my skin.
Ihear him beforeIsee him, but whenIlook up against the blinding sun, he’s standing over me.Waterdrips on me from his hair.Hedrops to his knees, waiting for me to respond.
“She’scarrying a baby.Ican’t…Ijust won’t.I’msorry.I’msorry that it’s somethingIsimply can’t do.Moresorry that it hurts you both.”Irest my arm over my eyes. “I’mattempting to prepare myself so that whenIgo home…RachelandIcan be family again.”
“It’snot that simple though.”
Itake a deep breath. “Ithas to be.Thebaby needs a family, not a complicated living situation.I’vealready decided to convert the loft in the barn and move out there before the baby arrives.Itwill lessen the temptation and give us both the space we need to exist as a family.Ican still be there for them both, help out when they need me, butI’llstill have a place to be alone, to go to for my own sanity.”Andhopefully, avoid temptation.
Helies down next to me.Fora while, we listen to the water and the wind.Itmeans a lot that he andIcan just exist in the same space together.Wedon’t have to talk, and it’s never awkward.
Hisfingers graze my hip. “Ineed to understand your viewpoint.”
“Doyou?”Ilift my arm from my eyes to witness his reaction.
Henods. “Yeah.”Helooks up to the sky. “Doyou thinkIcould help you with the loft?”
“I’dlike that.Wantyou to come and stay with me sometimes.”Itake his hand in mine. “I’mgoing to need you more than ever, little brother.”
“I’llbe there.”
Isqueeze his hand hoping to convey how much those words mean to me.Thebreeze blows across our bodies causing me to shiver.
Whenmy stomach rumbles,Evanrises up next to me and smiles. “Hungryhuh?Haveyou had enough to eat while you’ve been out here?”
Ishrug. “NotsureI’veeven felt hungry until this morning.”
“Ibrought a few eggs and bacon in the cooler.”
Myeyes roll back asIlet out a pleasurable moan. “Damn, that sounds good.”
“Comeon.”
Weget to our feet and walk back to the campsite.Hestops for a moment, grabs his clothes, and pulls on his boxers.Therest he carries into the tent.Followinghis lead,Islip on my boxers and head back to the campsite.
* * *
EVAN
“Thatwas by far the best breakfastIhave ever had!”Lukesays with a satisfied grin.
“NahIhave to argue with you there.Theone we had inJacksonafter leaving the hotel was the best breakfast.”
Helaughs and shakes his shaggy hair. “I’venever seen you eat so much, and that’s saying something.Didyou really have to get wafflesandpancakes?”
“Well, they only bring you one waffle!”Isay holding up my finger.Helaughs, andIshrug. “BesidesIcouldn’t decide.”
