AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Ican’t find the strength to answer him.Itfeels incredibly right, so right it’s wrong, and that just fucks with my head. “Idon’t want to go back.”
“Sureyou do.Youwant to seeRacheland your family.”
“I’mserious.WhatIwouldn’t give to leave my old life behind and do whateverIwant.”
Hisfingers slide over mine that are resting on his abdomen.
“It’sonly a few months.Don’tforget you are getting out of here, little brother.Offto the city, into the heart of the world.”Hetakes a long breath. “You’regoing to be so much happier.”
AmI?
No,Iam.Iwill be.
Ineed to get away.Everythinghas changed, and no matter howI’mfeeling…how muchIwant it,Ican’t have this thing withLuke.Idon’t even know howI’mgoing to make it until graduation.
EvennowIwant to feel him all over me.Mydick is already throbbing just because we’re touching and together in the dark.I’veresigned myself to the fact that my control is slippery when it comes toLuke.Idon’t know ifIcan keep from crossing all the lines with him.Ido know that moving out ofWyomingis the only wayImight stand a chance of getting my life straight.
Imove my fingers lower.HowcanIbe so desperate to leave, and ache so much to stay?I’mnot sure ifLukeis my temptation or my truth.
Hestops the movement of my hands. “You’renot ready for this.Youneed to spread your wings and be free.”
“Idon’t know what happened last night.Myemotions were out of control.I’msorry for ruining everything.”
“Youdidn’t ruin anything,Evan.Regardlessof what anyone wants, be true to yourself.Formy part,I’llattempt not to push you just becauseIwant more.”
Iprop my chin on his shoulder as his hair tickles my face. “Moreas in you want to fuck me?”Myhand moves down with every intention of rubbing his dick.Confusionfills me whenIfind he’s not hard.
Hegives a humorous grunt, but it lacks commitment. “Youthink that’s all there is between us?Theneed to fuck?”
Frustrated,Ilie back and tuck my hands behind my head. “Idon’t know.Imean it’s more,Ijust don’t know what to do about it.”
Suddenlyhis face is next to mine, and his breath is on my lips.Ishudder at his closeness. “Exactly!Youdon’t know what to do about it.You’renot ready for any of it.Iwant to hold you, sleep with you every night, and kiss you…claim you in every way as mine.”Hisbreath quickens as his lips ghost over mine. “Damn, whatIwouldn’t do to kiss you wheneverIwant.”
Iturn my face away, unable to deal with what he’s asking.Onekiss would uncover a rabbit hole thatIwould tumble down infinitely.Itdoesn’t make sense.We’vesucked each other’s cock, but the kissing…
“Ican’t do that.”
Movingaway, he pats my chest twice with his hand and lies back down beside me. “Iknow.LastnightIfinally realized how torn you are.Howmy feelings are ripping you in two.I’msorry, but thenI’mnot sorry.Life’sbeen shit for me lately.Ionly wanted to seek safety and love with you.”
“Iwant to be your safe place,”Itell him becauseIdo.Ineed to because he is mine. “Sotake what you need,Luke.Youalready have my love.I’lltry to give you everything.”
“Idon’t need you to try.Ineed you to want to give to me as much asIwant to give to you.You’renot ready.Perhapsyou never will be, butI’mnot asking for anything more from you.I’llgive you as much as you want, baby, butI’mdone trying to take anything for myself—from anybody.Itis safer that way, for both of us.You’regoing to leave in a few months, andIhave to be able to survive without youandwithoutRachel.”
Fuck,I’mso sad he’s not even attempting to leave with me anymore.Thetruth of it is like a virus that is eating a hole in my chest.
“Comewith me,”Iblurt.
Hedoesn’t respond becauseIalready know the answer, the reasons.
Theair remains heavy like that, thick and silent, except for the rain pelting the tent around us.Iconsider ifIcould let him kiss me.Howwould it feel?Howwould it make me feel?Wouldit just be our lips, or would our tongues touch and curl around each other?
Mydick fully hardens at the thought.Whata slippery slope that would leave.Justthe thought has me wanting to go all the way with him.Iclear my throat as my body tenses with desire and want.Iwant so much, but so much of it goes against what is considered acceptable.CouldIlose my family in exchange for doing the depraved things withLukethat fill my dreams and wandering thoughts?Ifhe would come with me toChicago…no one would know about our feelings, or what we do with each other.
Iturn toward him, but my breath hitches beforeIcan share the idea with him.Hewon’t come with me.Heisn’t coming with me.Heis right, in a few monthsIwill leave without him.Butdoesn’t he realize,I’llbe leaving my heart with him?
* * *
LUKE
