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Istretch out behind him and tightly press his body to mine. "Shh.Don'ttry to explain anymore.Inever want to destroy any part of your life, especially not this.Anythingbut this.I'velost my entire family,Evan.Everyone of them, and nowRacheltoo.We'renot going to lose this.Noone will even know how we hold each other or touch when we are alone.Safeplace, remember.”
Hisarms wrap around mine that are banded across his chest and waist.
"Safeplace," he repeats as if needing to reassure himself.
Isoftly kiss his ear and then his jaw, butIstop there.I'vegiven up control of all of it.Ifhe ever decides in the future to choose to be with me, thenI'llknow he truly wants me.Ican't afford to love someone unconditionally and risk losing them.Ifthat meansIhave to lock away my deepest desires, then that is whatIwill do.Itis exactly whatI'vebeen trying, unsuccessfully, to do all week.IsupposeIneededEvanto break down in front of me to finally have the strength to do it.
7
Luke
“Happybirthday!"Evansays whenIsit up to stretch.
Ilook down at his smiling face and bright blue eyes and find myself jealous of his happiness.Theday of my birth, however, changes nothing about our situation or my feelings.
“Eh, don't remind me,"Igrumble. "Can'twe just skip it this time."
"Absolutelynot!"Evansits up and wraps his arms around me in a bear hug. “Thesun is out.Weare going to enjoy being here.Besides,IpromisedRachelthatIwould bring you home on your birthday."
Twoweeks ago, it would have made me unbelievably happy.Nottoday.
Afterunzipping the flap,Ileave the tent and finally stretch my body properly.Betweenmy bruises and being folded up in that tent like a cheap towel,Iam aching all over.
"Feelbetter?"Evanasks as he emerges from the tent.
Ilet out a grumble. "Peopleover six-feet tall shouldn't be shoved into compact spaces."Ipush my boxers down and shove them in my bag with my other dirty clothes.I'mgoing to have to spend all day tomorrow doing laundry. "I'llfeel better after a bath."
Evan’seyes track my body and pause at my morning wood.Istroke my cock and let him get an eyeful beforeItake off in a jog toward the water.
"Gettingin that cold-ass water doesn't count as a bath, you know!” he yells behind me.
Idon't care.Itwill make me feel better.Witha leap,Ijump into the cold as fuck water.Thatinstantly takes care of my stiff cock.Italso makes the pain in my ribs steal my breath.Igrind my teeth asIstruggle to surface.Thefeeling is comparable to being kicked in the ribs again.
Ibreach the surface, inhale the fresh air into my lungs, and slick my hair back out of my face.WhenIopen my eyes,Evanis barreling toward me, naked, laughing, and so damn handsome it's painful.
Iclench my eyes as he cannonballs into the water, drenching me all over again.Itmelts my brooding heart untilIlaugh, forgetting the painI'mfeeling.Idecide that forEvan,I'llmake the most of today, and do my best to ignore all the shit in my life.
Thistime he doesn't complain about the temperature of the water.Weswim, race each other, and wrestle until my ribs are aching from laughing so much.Ifind ifIput away my feelings for him, it’s easier, and it serves to remind me thatIstill have my best friend.
WhenIcrawl out of the water onto the grassy bank and collapse in the sun,Evanjoins me, lying down beside me. "Iwant today to be a good day."Hisfingers intertwine with mine.
Lookingat him through squinted eyes,Ismile and squeeze his hand.Ilove him a little more all the time.
"Itis.Youare here, and we're inShadowThorne.Rightnow is good,”Iacquiesce.
"Sowhat's next on the list?”
"Coffee,”Igrumble
Hegives me an amused harumph. "Then?" he asks.
"Food.Fuck,I'mso damn hungry."
"I'mafraid all we have are jerky, beans, and stale crackers.Although,Imight give you a granola bar if you're good."
Iwhip my gaze in his direction. "Good?”
"Uh-huh.”
